


Love Will Light The Way

by Jesapeak



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Doctor Harry Styles, Eventual Happy Ending, Fic is based in a Dead Like Me world, He's a reaper so there are lots of descriptions of death and accidents through this, Louis is dead, Louis is not happy with his afterlife, M/M, POV Alternating, Smut, The first scene is him looking at himself dying, but it's not exactly like the show, please let me know if I forgot a tag and I'll fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:46:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23917765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jesapeak/pseuds/Jesapeak
Summary: Most people throughout Louis's life thought that dying brought you to one of two gates. Heaven or Hell. Really, it brought you to a dated diner, just outside of the suburbs, skirting the beginning of the city. Where, instead of God, you met Liam Payne and his post-it notes. Well, not for everyone, but for the select few whoever is in charge up there deemed fit to help guide the living into death. Unfortunate people like Louis. Who'd honestly rather just lie in bed and pretend it had all been a dream. A very bad, cliche dream.It wasn’t though and this was his new normal. As much as he hated it.And Harry? He just wanted to know who the man was that kept killing his patients.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 28
Kudos: 132
Collections: One Direction Big Bang Round 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I just wanted to add here that this story has a lot of death in it. I mean, it's a reaper fic so, but it does. One is a suicide, one involves a kid and her parents. There's more, but I just really wanted to put it out there that they are in this in case someone would be bothered and my tags weren't enough. 
> 
> The art for my fic is by  Neurtsy

*L*

Louis always hoped he'd either go out in an extraordinary fashion, or in his sleep. No in-between. He’d hoped for some heroic savior death if he had to die young. He could have seen it. The local papers writing about him saving some kids from a fire only to perish in the flames, going back in for a beloved toy, or taking a bullet for a friend. What he didn't expect was that it would be just another car crash. Just another dumbass thirty-something who thought they'd be able to drive home after a party who ended up with their car wrapped around a tree. 

The only thing that even remotely stood out about his death, was the fact that he went out jamming, and so he was stood there, with a distorted Britney Spears singing out to hit her one more time as flames started to erupt from the engine. Oh, and the fact that there was a man trying to explain something to him about lights and souls, but all he could do was stare as his car was engulfed in flames. 

"Yoohoo. Dead guy. I'm trying to talk to you."

He sighed, turning to meet the man's eyes and fought a smile at the sight of him. He was every bit the human personification of a golden retriever. His smile was soft and his warm brown eyes radiated kindness even in the glinting light of the fire consuming the wreckage behind Louis. There couldn’t be a better person to guide the living to the other side. 

"I've heard you. I'm dead and need to move on. Blah blah. I'm not sure I believe you, but I mean, I _am_ currently burning in a car, so I guess it has to be true."

The man's brows furrowed as he shook his head. 

"That's just it. Your lights aren't coming. I don't really know what to do. You weren't my reap." Louis snorted to himself. Perfect. "I mean, I'll bring you to my place, for sure. Maybe Zayn will know what to do."

He took one last look back to his car as the flames shone brighter. It wasn't like he really had a choice. He didn’t have anywhere else he could go and Puppy man was his only lead on what was next, so he took a deep breath and turned to him, smiling as much as he could. 

"Ok. Thanks."

Puppy man nodded, gesturing toward a truck across the road, and Louis bit back a laugh. What was the fun in being dead if you couldn't like, poof, to where you wanted to go? Was the afterlife as boring as regular life? His heart sank at the thought. There had to be more, didn't there? Sighing, he climbed into the truck and waited until Liam was driving back toward the city before he started in on him with questions.

"Question," Liam hummed, fiddling with the heater, and Louis would never admit to being as grateful as he was when the warm air blew over his face. "If I'm dead. Does that mean I'm a ghost?"

Liam chuckled softly, turning to look at him for a split second, and Louis didn't let the spark of embarrassment that he felt ignite. It wasn't stupid to ask. It wasn't like when he died he'd been given a guide book.

"No. I mean, maybe. I have no clue, but I believe, since my friend Steve disappeared when he touched you back at the bar, you've taken his place? I'm not sure though."

Ok then. Puppy man knew no more than he did. Knowing he'd only be repeating the same questions when they got to this Zayn person, he quietly thanked him and leaned against the window. He spent the remainder of the ride watching the trees flash by until they were stopping in front of a dated diner and Liam cleared his throat as he parked and cut the engine. 

"This is me. Zayn should be home by now."

When the puppy man didn't speak again, Louis took that as his invitation to exit the car. He opened the door, stepping out and tried not to show his discomfort as he shut the door behind him. He stood on the sidewalk, waiting for the man to lead him up a set of stairs beside the diner and into a little studio apartment where he was apparently to meet another....person. 

He looked around the little apartment as the man sat on the couch, calling out for Zayn as he did. There was hardly any room in the place. The small couch that was almost too small for the dude was sitting in the center and there was a TV sitting on a box of some sort in front of it. Off to the side, there was a little kitchen and what looked like a walk-in shower, a curtain was drawn beside it and Louis guessed it was a toilet and it made him almost groan. The afterlife was going to be as boring and normal as his life had been. If the way these.....people....were living was anything to go by. 

Squeaking from the other side of the room pulled his attention to a bed in the corner, partially shielded with another curtain and there was a man coming through it, looking sleep rumpled and more gorgeous than anyone Louis had met. Ever. 

"Oh, sorry, Z." The puppy man smiled as, Zayn apparently, sat next to him looking put out as he glanced between the man and Louis. "This is Louis. Steve reaped him and disappeared and he had no lights to lead him to. I think I know what that means, but I wanted to be sure."

Zayn rubbed his eyes, leaning back and pulling his legs up under him as he leaned into puppy man's side. 

"I guess he's one of us, Li. Have you looked at the appointment book?"

Li's face lit up and he stood up, making Zayn fall over onto the couch and he grumbled into the cushion, making Louis laugh. 

"Liiiiiaaamm."

Liam. Huh. It fit him. Liam. Louis mouthed the name as he watched Liam blush and apologize, flipping through what looked like an ancient planner.

"Oh. Yeah. He's got a reap in the morning. Thanks, babe."

Louis's eyes widened as Zayn's gaze darted to his. 

"I have a what now?

"A reap." Zayn sighed like only someone who'd already made a request could and Liam cleared his throat, clearly trying to hide laughter. "Sorry. An appointment."

Zayn rolled his eyes, making Louis bite back a smile as Liam glared over at him. 

"What exactly is an appointment?"

Zayn rummaged around the table beside the couch, coming back with a pack of cigarettes and a lighter and smirked as he pulled a cigarette free, sticking it between his lips as he flicked the lighter, and bent to light the end. Louis watched his cheeks hollow as he pulled in the smoke and cleared his throat as he felt a zip through his stomach. 

"An appointment for a soul." He breathed out as he released the smoke and Liam looked between them, giving Louis a look that said Zayn was his before Zayn tilted his head, looking up at Louis through his lashes. "You have to go reap the soul of someone before they die."

The amusement, and arousal, simmered out as quickly as it had flared. He didn't want to kill someone. 

"I died to become a murderer?"

Zayn giggled as Liam let out an exasperated sigh. 

"No," Liam spoke to the ceiling. "You are not killing them. The gravelings are. Whoever made the appointment is, you are saving their soul from the pain of it. Think back to your death. Did it hurt?" He barreled on, not letting Louis answer. It hadn't but still, rude. "It didn't. You know it didn't. I know it didn't. So, tomorrow, after breakfast, we'll go to your reap, and then we'll get you settled in."

Zayn looked over to Liam, then to Louis before holding out his pack of cigarettes to him. Louis took one gratefully and they both ignored Liam's grumbling as he took the book and walked to the bed, pulling the curtain. 

"He ok?"

Zayn nodded as Louis lit his cigarette. 

"He's been up for too long and we weren't expecting a new reaper, so it's probably just a lot, especially since gaining you, means he lost a friend."

Louis instantly felt like shit but didn't want to disturb Liam to see if he was okay. Instead, he sat in silence with Zayn until he couldn't take it anymore. 

"So, how do you reap a soul?"

Zayn snorted, shaking his head and snuffing out his cigarette in the tray on the table beside him before he stood. 

"We'll cover it in the morning." He pulled a throw off the back of the sofa and smiled. "Sleep for now."

He dropped the blanket into Louis's lap before walking toward the curtain Liam had closed and disappearing behind it, leaving Louis alone with only his thoughts to occupy him and they weren't particularly nice to him. Whispering to him how much his mom must be grieving and all his sisters and he wished that there was some way to protect them from it. Some way to go back and take Stan's offered ride home so his mom wouldn't be having to bury her firstborn.

He laid down, spreading the blanket over himself as he felt tears building but blinked them back. Crying wasn't going to fix anything. 

The night crept by and he just couldn't sleep. Kept tossing and turning as his mind swamped him with all the things he'd put his family through with one reckless decision until sunlight was pouring into the room and he heard Liam and Zayn whispering to each other. When Liam poked his head out, smiling happily he felt close to tears again, knowing it was too late to sleep but knowing he needed it. 

"You ready? We gotta go meet Niall."

No. He wasn't, but it wasn't like he had much say in it, so he nodded, following Liam and Zayn out the door, pulling it shut behind him. 

"Who's Niall?"

"Niall's nice. A bit of a sweetheart, really. Don't sweat meeting him. People may not be able to see you, just a head's up."

He nodded as Liam spoke and followed their lead down the stairs and then into the diner below, where a blonde immediately started waving his hands in the air. 

"Hey, guys. Where's Steve?" Louis watched Liam flinch a little as they made it to the blonde and swallowed. Was Liam going to hate him? Just because his friend left? It wasn't like Louis wanted to die and be his last reap. "Oi. Who're you?"

He smiled, extending his hand. 

"Louis. I think I'm replacing your friend Steve. Sorry about that. Not like I want the job, really."

"Eh, you get used to it. It's pretty sick, really."

He nodded, smiling as Niall invaded his space, pulling him into the seat as a waitress approached the table and looked to Liam. 

"Um. Pancakes, extra butter, over-easy eggs, and bacon, crispy bacon, please." Zayn smiled, ordering just a black coffee, and Niall ordered so much the lady was eyeing her pad with panic by the time he'd finished. Louis remembered Zayn's warning that people may not be able to see him so when she looked at him, eyes expectant, his mind went blank with fear. 

"You said they might not see..."

He caught himself, embarrassment biting its way into his cheeks as he licked his lips. He'd been expecting her not to see him. He looked to Zayn, who was leaning against Liam, laughing so hard he was shaking and ignoring the glare Liam was giving him. When he looked to Niall, he hid his smile with the back of his hand. 

Assholes.

"Um. a tea, please. Milk, no sugar, and toast." 

Niall started shaking as she walked off, clearly fighting laughter, and as much as he wanted to be annoyed, he couldn't. 

"What? Reapers do hazing?"

Niall lost it, hiding his face in the crook of his elbow and howling. Rolling his eyes, he looked back to Liam, who looked ready to fight. 

"Nice, guys. Dude dies and is thrown into an entirely new reality and you plan pranks."

Zayn mocked him as he set up, and Niall stopped laughing long enough to sit up and let Liam know he hadn't known anything about it before turning to Louis, ignoring the irritation radiating from across the table and explaining how to reap. Like, how the only thing you had to do was find a way to touch the person before the time on your post-it and then go on about your day, still getting to do living things and that was when Liam interrupted. 

"Speaking of. Zayn talked to his boss, got you a job at the restaurant he's been at since he, you know. So. All you need to do is figure out where you're gonna live, for the rest of however long you're with us. You're welcome to sleep at ours until you do, though”

Oddly touched, he started to thank them, only to be interrupted by Niall.

"You could also not work and squat. That's what I do."

"Squat?"

Niall smiled. 

"Yeah. Do you know how many apartments are just, empty? Pick a lock and you're in, until you know, you get caught. I'll show you after your reap."

“I’d rather not. I’ll just take the job. Reaping will be enough new for now.”

Niall looked put out, but Liam didn’t seem to notice, smiling at him. 

"Oh, speaking of. Yours is just before. You care to take him, show him how it's done?"

Niall hooked his arm around Louis and even though he didn't really know him, his happiness was infectious and after the night Louis had, he was so okay with letting it seep into him, hoping it'd stay and drive out the absolute dread he felt at having to go kill someone.

They ate in silence, Niall insisting on Louis ordering more than tea and toast, that'd he'd spot him, and hilariously enough, paying in coins, absolutely driving Liam over the edge. Zayn met his eyes across the table and nodded at the door as Liam tried to lecture Niall over his cackling before excusing himself. Liam watched him go, little frown in place as Zayn left Louis to decide if he'd follow or not. 

He debated it. He liked Zayn the most out of all of them so far and they clearly had the same tolerance for noise and people. He cleared his throat as Liam turned back, smacking Niall's hand away from his bacon. 

"I'll be right back. Promise."

Standing, he ignored them both and made his way outside, weaving through people and politely apologizing as they stepped out of his way and his heart was racing by the time he found Zayn just to the side of the building in an alleyway.

"What's up?"

He shrugged, taking a pull off a joint. 

"Just needed a break. How are you holding up?"

"It's." Louis looked up to the sky as Zayn blew out the smoke, and wondered why he'd been placed there, doing something that made him feel like his skin was crawling just thinking about it. It wasn't fair. "It's an adjustment. I mean, I just always thought if there was an afterlife, it'd be interesting at least. Not just like, a continuation. No offense."

Zayn laughed though, body losing some of its rigidness, loosening up a bit. 

"Yeah. I thought the same thing."

He offered the joint to Louis and he took it gratefully, taking a deep pull before passing it back and that was how Liam and Niall found them, Liam sighing heavily like a weary parent as Niall took the joint and finished it off before pulling Louis with him across the street. 

"Come on. My appointment's at the hospital. It's showtime."

*H* 

Harry sighed as he looked into his patient's room. Her breathing was getting too labored and her oxygen sats were in the sixties and dropping. She was going to be dead by dinner and he hated it. Being an er doctor, he saw a lot of things, but things like this case hurt. Patients that were too far gone to help, were always sad and weighed heavy on his heart. This time it was an elderly woman. A cancer patient at death's door, waiting for hospice to tell him where her family wanted her to spend her last days. 

It seemed cruel for them to be arguing about it, instead of putting what she would have wanted first, but he couldn't really say anything, just had to wait. 

He turned, making his way to the nurse's desk to have a seat when the buzzer to the door sounded and two men in housekeeping uniforms rounded the corner. He'd seen the blonde man many times, but the man next to him, was new and he was gorgeous. 

He had the brightest blue eyes Harry had ever seen and paired with his cheekbones and scruff, it was enough for Harry to forget where he was, forget that he was surrounded by coworkers, who were all getting a front-row seat to Harry literally gaping at the sight of a man. 

And he didn't care. 

He watched them look around the temporary rooms until they stopped by the old lady's room, entering it without hesitation. 

Huh. Who would have sent for housekeeping? It wasn't the scheduled time, and as the patient was still there, there was no reason for them to be in there. He watched curiously as the blonde spoke to blue eyes, pointing and talking with his hands until he ran his hand down the lady's arm and blue eyes nodded, shoving his hands in the pockets of the uniform. 

They stood there for a beat before halfheartedly cleaning the room and leaving, eyes darting around. Blue eyes met Harry's gaze and even through the shock of arousal he felt, he caught the guilty glow he’d seen in so many irises. 

Fuck. What had they done? 

Before he could ask, alarms and bells chimed from the elderly lady's room and teams of nurses barged in, screaming orders and requesting his help. 

He had to let it go. What would he say anyway? The blonde had killed her with his touch? 

He ran in, trying everything in his power to get her back, but it was of no use. She was gone. He held it all in until he was at home, in bed and staring up at his ceiling, absolutely certain blue eyes had had something to do with it. 

*L*

Louis sighed, shifting his weight as Niall looked from him, to his watch, to the post-it in his hand. He'd been constantly doing it and for some reason, it had Louis's nerves on edge. 

"Any day now, Neil."

Niall looked back, brows raised and his eyes said everything his mouth didn't. For Louis to fuck off. Just as he was about to say he could do the same, he watched as another gremlin looking creature leaped from a storm drain and started to climb up the side of a building and when he followed it with his eyes, he noticed a girl, standing on a ledge in the center of the fifth floor. What were they? He’d seen one at the hospital too, jumping up and down on an oxygen tank until the lady started flatlining. 

He tapped Niall as his blood ran cold as he watched the girl start to slip and he swore at the universe for making his already difficult task even worse. When Niall met his eyes, he pointed up and as Niall looked up, he swore too, bolting for the door, and Louis followed, hoping like hell he'd make it in time. When they got to the fifth floor, he sprinted down the hall, knocking on the middle door. 

"I'm busy. Sorry."

He could hear the sadness in her voice, and he groaned. 

"Please, don't do it. I saw you from the street, don't do it."

He rammed his shoulder against the door until he swore it was bleeding, but it finally gave and he rushed in, just in time to watch the gremlin thing wink and run for her. Louis did too, hand barely brushing her fingertips as she tried to reach back and grab his hand. He watched her fall, a scream lodged in his throat so large he couldn't breathe, couldn't swallow past it as a white light shot from her fingers, and spiraled up Louis's arm before disappearing. 

"Buddy. You ok?"

"He pushed her, Niall."

Niall's silence stretched on until it was an uncomfortable weight around Louis's heart. He had to have seen it, right?

"Louis. It's just us here and we need to go, now."

He nodded, knowing they had to go find her and it took forever, with the crowd gathering around the poor girl's body. She was off to the side, in the side alley, twisting her hands in her dress. 

"Ma'am?"

She flinched, looking up. 

"You can see me?" He nodded, trying for a smile and figuring he failed miserably from her grimace. "How? No one else could?"

"I'm. Different. I'm supposed to take you." He started to look back at Niall, but suddenly there were fuschia colored lights lighting up the alley behind her, a glittering forest so inviting Louis wished he could go too, wanted to. She looked to him, a panic he wished she didn't feel in her eyes and he stepped forward, gesturing toward them. 

"It's ok. That's for you. You can go." She nodded, looking back again and he swallowed against tears as he stepped up to her. "Want me to walk with you?"

She looked so grateful as she nodded that he just reached down and laced their fingers, walking her toward the lights until she saw someone and lit up, running toward them and the lights blinked out of existence, the only evidence that they'd been real were shining particles still simmering as they faded into nothingness. 

"What the fuck is going on? You saw her lights? You saw someone push her?"

He turned to face Niall, whose usual paleness seemed so much starker and he found himself wondering what would happen if a reaper passed out. If a reaper could pass out because Niall looked close. 

"Um. Yeah. It was a pink forest. It was shining and glittered. And some _thing_ pushed her, not some _one_.”

Niall bit his lip before pulling out his phone and tapping away. 

“We need Zayn.”

*H*

Harry watched as the blonde-haired guy and the blue-eyed boy emerged from the alleyway and narrowed his eyes. Why were they always near when he was seeing someone die? Who were they? _What_ were they? 

He looked down at the poor girl he’d covered with his own jacket, waiting on the ambulance. He’d made the mistake of being out to lunch on his day off when he’d happened upon the poor girl and now, now he was looking over at the two men leaving, trying to figure out if they were involved and wondering if he should report them now, or wait to see and claim shock when he finally figured it out and placed them there. 

*L*

Louis barely had time to right himself as he tripped over his shoes trying to keep up with Niall and him practically hauling Louis through town. By the time they were back at Liam and Zayn’s, he was ready to fight. Liam looked at them both expectantly and Niall finally let him go. 

“Louis’s like Zayn. He can see the lights and the gravelings.”

Gravelings. _“You don’t kill them, gravelings do”_ He swallowed against bile as Liam looked him over from head to toe and just smiled tightly. 

“Ok. We’ll deal, but,”

Zayn emerged from the curtain around the bed. 

“We have work. Come on, Lou.”

He let Zayn drag him out the door and when they were outside, he waited until he’d lit a cigarette and passed it to him before speaking. 

“Is it bad? That I’m like you?”

Zayn sighed, lighting another one. 

“No. It just means you’re probably going to be a reaper for a very long time. At least that’s what it’s meant for me.” Well, that’s depressing. “Also, Liam probably thinks my total is coming up now, so he’s going to be in control freak mode, sorry in advance.”

“Thanks for the warning, I guess.”

They were quiet for their shift, filling orders, and making deliveries. It was easy, over more quickly than he thought it’d be. Not really wanting to go back to the sardine can of an apartment, he left Zayn and wandered around, mostly moping, and it felt justified because his mind was still spinning. He was going to be a reaper for a very long time. 

When he passed the hospital on his journey to the diner, he wandered in and smiled at the frail-looking lady behind the help desk. 

“Can I help you, young man?”

“I was wondering if you guys maybe took on volunteers?”

She smiled, pulling out a clipboard, and Louis felt something settle in him, at least a little. He could have one good thing, and that had to be ok for now. 


	2. Chapter 2

-Seven years later-

*L*

Most people throughout Louis's life thought that dying brought you to one of two gates. Heaven or Hell. Really, it brought you to a dated diner, just outside of the suburbs, skirting the beginning of the city. Where, instead of God, you met Liam Payne and his post-it notes. Well, not for everyone, but for the select few whoever is in charge up there deemed fit to help guide the living into death. Unfortunate people like Louis. Who'd honestly rather just lie in bed and pretend it had all been a dream. A very bad, cliche dream. 

It wasn’t though and this was his new normal. As much as he hated it. 

Letting his head fall back, Louis tuned out Liam's lecture. They all knew the drill by now and how Liam didn't realize that they didn't need a refresher every single day was beyond him. It was like elementary school every day. Do this, don’t do that, you should be warm, kind. Blah, blah, blah. He was so bored of it all and he was tired. He’d been making deliveries until one and had to stay late to help clean up and stock for the breakfast rush. The only thing he wanted to do was go home, shower, then crawl into bed. Couldn’t Liam just give out appointments and let them go? 

Niall’s cackling brought out of his thoughts and he took a steadying breath and looked over, smiling at Liam's expectant face as Zayn tapped his thigh under the table. 

"Thanks for mentally checking out, Louis. Not like I could have important information for you.” They stared at each other for a moment before Liam sighed, pushing his drink away. “Niall's is a bit tricky and it's at the hospital, would you care to tag along and help, since yours is just after and only down the block?"

Smiling, he looked back to Niall, watching as he all but shoved a piece of toast in his mouth. 

"Sure, babes. I'll help all I can."

He winked at Louis, making him chuckle as he felt Zayn tap his thigh again. Sighing, he picked up his tea. 

"Sorry, Liam. I'm being bratty. I'm just tired. Promise I'll try to be better."

He felt Zayn squeeze his leg and smiled over at him, scrunching up his nose. Zayn stuck his tongue out at him, making him giggle. 

"Thank you."

Nodding, he sipped his tea and settled in to listen to Liam's little talk. When he was done, they split the bill, and even though all Louis wanted to do was go home and sleep, he followed Niall down the sidewalk until they sat outside the hospital. 

"Do you know what room at least?"

He shook his head, and Louis winced. 

"Floor?"

"Third."

Nodding, they headed out and narrowed it down to two. Harry Edward Styles and Harold Eugene Styles, no relation. Harry was young, and Harold was a little old man, who seemed fine and Harry seemed to be at death's door. Louis figured it was an easy call, and no matter how much Niall seemed to hate it, he agreed. 

They were there for Harry. 

When alarms started beeping, he ushered Niall in and waited until he realized the gravelings, that only he and Zayn seemed to be able to see so often, were in the old man's room and he watched in horror as he choked on something and started flat-lining. Fuck. 

Sighing, he pulled out his phone, sending a sos to Zayn. 

*H*

Harry woke to a hand running down his cheek and flinched back as he opened his eyes. 

“Hi, Harry.”

He stilled, blinking up at the blonde man who was smiling softly at him. He could tell he was trying not to spook him, which wasn’t helping him not be scared. 

“Who are you?”

“My name is Niall, I’m here to help you cross over.” 

Harry shoved himself backward. 

What drugs did they have him on? 

“Listen, I know I sound crazy but you’ve died, Harry. They thought they’d stopped the infection but it had spread. It’s time for you to cross over now.”

He frowned, looking over as  _ Niall _ gestured to his bed and saw his own body on the bed as a team of doctors worked on him, trying to resuscitate him. 

“I died?” 

Niall nodded, still smiling but now it was sad, and it really didn’t help the panic racing it’s way into his chest. His mom was going to be heartbroken. She’d begged him to go to the doctor and he kept putting it off, not wanting to give his superiors reason to doubt his dedication to medicine. He worked so hard to get to where he was. Oncology was everything he’d been working toward his whole life and he’d just gotten on his feet in the department and he hadn’t wanted to lose that because of what he thought had been a cold. Man, should he have listened to her.

“I didn’t feel anything though.”

A sad laugh escaped the blonde as he stepped toward Harry. 

“You were asleep. They’ve kept you pretty drugged up in here.”

Harry nodded, not resisting as Niall started to reach out for him. Just before their hands touched Niall went flying back as another man barrelled into the room mumbling something that sounded like, “Liam’s going to kill me.”. 

Niall pulled his attention, swearing, and grumbling from the floor, holding the back of his head as the man stood over him. 

“What the fuck, man?”

“I fucked up. It’s not him.”

He turned and Harry bit his lip to hold in his gasp as he took the blue-eyed man in. His eyes were so blue they looked as though they were glowing and he knew those eyes. He knew them both. It was the two men he’d been seeing at more deaths than not and now there were after him. 

“Who are you?”

The man smiled softly, moving to touch Harry’s cheek softly. 

“No one you need to know until you’re old and gray.”

Another man, no a God, was suddenly by his side. His eyes a warm hazel and skin a soft tan. He looked like, if caramel was a person. He snorted to himself, even as the fear seared its way through his veins again. Because these men were just too pretty to be human, Harry knew that much.

“Let’s get you back to your family, yeah?”

Before Harry could say a word, he touched his forehead, and then Harry was gasping, looking up at a team of doctors. The last thing he’d been able to see of the man who’d saved him were those blue, blue eyes. 

“We got him! Fuck, yes, we got him back!”

Panicking, Harry looked over and calmed slightly as he saw the god-like man in the corner of the room smirking at him. What the fuck was happening? He felt his brows pinch, his confusion starting to get the best of him. He opened his mouth to ask the man what was happening but before he could, he winked and disappeared. 

He just vanished. 

Harry could feel his heart rate start to rise, could feel the fear and panic beginning to curl through his veins again as he stared at the place the man had just vacated. Had he actually died? 

Shit. 

There was a flurry of movement, people yelling things he couldn’t make out, his vision was going blurry and his body was getting warm. Too warm. His breathing was too labored to be normal. He was going to die again, he just knew it. 

“Harry.” 

He looked over, his vision clearing as his eyes settled on the man with blue eyes. Those beautiful, big blue eyes. Even though he knew he should be scared, he wasn’t. Whatever the man was, he wasn’t evil. His eyes held too much kindness for any kind of bad to be lurking beneath the surface. 

“That’s it, Love. Just breathe for me. We’ve got you.” He felt tears prickling his eyes at the soft whisper. “You’re going to be fine. My friend back there had the wrong person because of me.  _ I _ made a mistake. You’ll live a long, happy life.”

Harry nodded dumbly, finally calming enough to breathe again. He pulled in a few deep breaths, closing his eyes to concentrate on steadying his heartbeat as the activity seemed to calm around him. 

“He’s fine. We’ve got him! He’s going to live.”

He felt a hand grab his own softly as he felt sleep pulling him under. 

“Have a wonderful life, Harry Styles.”

His eyes popped open at the raspy whisper and he stared into those blue eyes until his world went black, wishing with everything in him, he could ask who he was.

*L*

Sighing, Louis rubbed his temples, trying and failing to tune Liam out. They already knew they'd fucked up, but how was he supposed to pick the happy, old guy over the very sick young guy. It was ageism, is what it was. Liam was an asshole, simple as that. 

"Louis. Shut the fuck up."

Sitting back, he frowned up at Liam. 

"Didn't say shit. But I could. You're being fucking ridiculous, Payno. It was a mistake. My first since I got saddled with this hell job."

"Hell job?"

And just like that, eight years of resentment was flooding to the surface and he was having to fight it back with everything in him. Zayn would never forgive him if he told him about how much it bothered him that he’d treated him differently since they all found out about him seeing the lights too. He’d have to settle for letting out everything about the job though, because if he didn’t get something off his chest, he was going to explode.

"Yes, Loam. Hell job that I hate and makes me hate myself because it feels like I'm killing people no matter how many times you lecture me on how it's my duty and I'm only collecting souls and helping them. Now.” He turned to a distraught blonde Niall. I am sorry I guessed the wrong fucking person from the very limited information on the dumb little post-its we get. Even though Harry’s soul was safe, the old man experienced something he shouldn’t have. I won't make that mistake again if I can help it." He held out his hand impatiently to Liam, who deposited a post-it into it. Closing his hand around it, he held up a peace sign instead of the middle finger he wanted to. "See you all later."

It was probably an overreaction, but fuck, he hated this gig. He wondered what he'd done so bad in whatever past life he was currently being punished for to end up reaping. It had to have been something especially heinous. Still fuming, he walked as quickly as he could to his apartment, content on shutting everyone out until six-thirty, when it was time to go murderer someone, oh sorry,  _ save a soul. _

When six rolled around he got dressed and took his time making it to the bar and when he got there, he waited, watching until he knew who he was there for and made his way over, flirtingly sliding his hand up over his shoulder, watching the white light chase his fingertips. 

"Sorry."

He called after himself and ignored the chaos that broke out. There was a shout and a gun firing and in the blink of an eye, the victim stood beside him, wide-eyed as they watched everyone run from his body sprawled on the floor, blood pooling beneath him. 

"That’s...me?

"Yep.” He patted his arm, pulling him along for a few steps a little before letting go. “Come on. I’ll take you where you need to be."

“What do you mean? I need to be in my body?”

Louis stopped as they made it outside, turning and smiling sadly at the man, but before he could say anything, the air around them shifted, filling with the electricity charged crackle he always felt when the lights appeared and he smiled, watching wistfully as the guy lit up and ran toward an iridescent lake made of sparkling blue lights that glinted so brightly Louis had to shield his eyes. 

When they started to fade, Louis’s chest tightened, the hurt that often filled his soul at the sight of the lights everyone else seemed to get, weighing him down, filling his chest with a scream he’d never be able to let out. 

He wanted to. 

Wanted to jump up and down and stomp his feet and shout at the universe about how unfair it was. Yell into the big star-filled sky that he didn’t want this. That he hadn’t been a bad person and it just, wasn’t fair. He didn’t though, simply because he knew it wouldn’t help. It’d fall on deaf ears because the one thing he knew after all this time, was that the only the universe had in store for him was raking him over the coals until there was nothing left. 

Swallowing against a sudden lump in his throat, he blinked away his tears as he pulled in a deep breath and let it out. It was never going to change, so he had to deal. 

_ “It just means you’re probably going to be a reaper for a very long time. At least that’s what it’s meant for me.” _

Ignoring the words his mind never failed to call to the surface and throw at him, he shoved his hands into his pockets and willed away the useless jealousy festering in his veins, all while wondering why they all got off so easily. 

Instead of heading to work like he should, he made his way into the all too familiar hospital, peeking in on Harry. He was alone in the room and sleeping so Louis made his way inside and sat in the chair by his bed. He wasn’t sure what it was, about Harry, he just felt so drawn to him in a way he hadn’t felt before. Like a moth to a flame. 

“Hello, again. Harry. I hope you’re feeling better.”

He smiled as Harry’s nose scrunched, a strand of hair laying over his face clearly bothering him. He moved it, tucking the curl behind his ear before settling in, taking his hand as he watched the monitors. 


	3. Chapter 3

*L*

Louis sighed, looking down at his post-it, then back up. He had five minutes to find the damn room and he knew it was going to be a long shot. Why couldn’t Liam give them more information? He had no other choice than to ask, so when he passed a doctor, he turned, shoving his hands into his pockets. 

"Hey. Excuse me. Could you help me find my cousin? Heth is the last name."

The doctor turned and Louis felt his mouth drop open. Harry smiled down at him, eyes wide and looking so much better than he did lying in the hospital bed two weeks ago. 

“I know you. I’ve seen you around the building. What do you do here?”

He looked like he wanted to say more, but wasn’t sure he should and Louis knew. Knew he remembered him. 

“I’m a volunteer.”

He looked unconvinced and Louis wanted to spill his guts right there in the hallway just to wipe the unease out of his body. To let him know he was a good guy.

“What do you volunteer to do?”

Shrugging, he smiled, looking up at Harry through his lashes and hoping it was flirty enough that it’d get him his way since the truth probably wouldn’t. 

“If you help me find my cousin, I’d be glad to show you sometime.”

He watched Harry’s eyes flit over him, making him swallow as heat flooded his face. Harry Styles was checking him out.

“Yeah. Ok. Room four eighty-two.”

He nodded, leaving Harry as he headed down the hall and found the room, making Louis smile. Damn. Harry had to know he’d been lying. The elderly man hooked up to so many machines it didn’t seem fair to keep him that way. 

He snorted, knowing Harry was more than likely watching and lifted the chart from the box at the end of the bed. Just to be sure, he matched the initials. Knowing he had his soul, he sat in the chair, waiting. When it was time, he ran his hand down the man’s arm, patting his hand as the now familiar light chased his. 

“See you soon, man.”

He stepped out into the hall and had to sidestep Harry, a flustered nurse with a puffy faced woman hot on her heels. 

“You can’t do this.”

“I can. She’s his medical power of attorney and his daughter. I have permission to pull it.”

The crying got louder as the beeps started to sound and suddenly there was a frail man next to him, already smiling at the ceiling. He looked to Louis and winked. 

“Thanks, Kid. Been stuck in there for a while now.”

Louis’s eyes widened as the man was hoisted into the air and up into the brightest lights he’d ever seen. He blinked against them as his shoulder was tapped and he looked over to a distraught Harry. 

“What happened?”

He shrugged. turning and walking toward the elevators. 

“Daughter pulled the plug. See you later, Harry.”

Harry looked confused before he realized that Louis was leaving him without anything more and Louis cackled, pressing the close doors button as Harry ran for him, watching his face disappear as the doors closed just in time. The elevator stopped the next floor down, so Louis got off, heading for the NICU and smiling as he was let in and set up holding a baby whose parents were trying to balance three other children and traveling, leaving the newborn alone sometimes. 

It was his favorite way to pass time.

*H* 

Harry used his badge, then did some pleading to be let into the NICU, citing he needed to speak with someone in there, because he was ready to kill the blue-eyed man if a newborn died. The man probably thought he was so smart to get off on this floor and then when Harry saw him suiting up, he’d seen red. 

His panic had nothing to do with the fact that he’d known Harry’s name. That when he’d spoken his name, it all flooded to the surface. Those weird men and blue eyes that he’d convinced himself had just been a fever dream.

He rounded the corner, ready to have people usher the man out, but he stopped short at the sight of him holding a baby with more wires than body, singing softly. His heart flip-flopped in his chest from the chaos his mind was putting it through, but if you could love at first sight, that’s probably what was happening, because he’d never seen someone look so beautiful. 

“Harry.”

He swallowed, against a lump in his throat. It really hadn’t been a dream.

“Hi.”

He cursed the nervousness in his own voice.

“I’m Louis. Just a volunteer here. A cuddle buddy, essentially. Can I help you?”

“No. No. Um. I’m. I’m good. Sorry.”

Louis’s eyes were kind and amused as he smiled at Harry again.

“No need to be, Love.”

He swallowed, the raspy whisper so familiar it made his heart lurch. He had to get out of there. Before he did something stupid like asking him to marry him. Backing out of the room faster than if he’d been in a cage with a wild animal, he tore off the protective wear as soon as he made it out the door and somehow, he managed to make it to his lunch break without a breakdown and sighed when he sat down, only jump in shock as Louis sat across from him. 

“I’m not a bad person, Harry. I promise. I’m sorry I startled you today.” The man pushed a pastry toward Harry, and he eyed it like it was poison. 

“Yeah. Didn’t figure it’d go over well.” He opened his mouth to say sorry, but Louis waved him off. “It’s fine, I promise. I’ve got to head to work. Enjoy the rest of your day, Harry Styles.” 

Was he that easy to read? He waited until Louis was just a dot in the distance before picking up the danish and biting into it. It was delicious, and he felt like shit that he’d thought Louis might have tried to hurt him. 

*L*

Louis sighed, waiting for Niall to call in his delivery. He never had two appointments in a day and the surprise of it had him on edge, especially because he had three names. Which meant he had to do three separate reaps there. Appointments, whatever. It was already stressful and he would have liked time to scope it out but he was stuck at work, waiting for Niall to call, and Niall was going to make him late. 

He and Zayn had been working the same shifts for years. He usually loved it. It was cake work, the little restaurant, and he always had a way to leave if he needed to attend to an appointment during his shift, given that his friends remembered to call in a delivery. Today though, the amusement radiating off Zayn was making him consider quitting. 

“You could always put in a fake order, to leave.”

He sighed, rolling his eyes. 

“What if they find out? Kind of hard for me to get a job, Zaynie. All it takes is a phone call. An order to the address. It’s not like it’s har-.” 

Zayn chuckled as the phone ringing cut him off and he lunged for it. 

“Mary’s. This is Louis. How can I help you?”

“I need a large everything pizza. Eight thirty Mercy Street please.”

“Sure thing. Name?”

“Ni.”

“Ok. Will be there in less than thirty. Thanks.”

He hung up, placing the order to the kitchen and wincing as he looked at the clock. He had forty minutes. It wasn’t so bad, but he still had to figure out who the hell it was when he got there. He had three names, all with the last name James, and with only the street name of the hospital as a clue, it was going to take a minute. He hated reaps at the hospital. It was always a chaotic mess and Louis really wished they’d get more info on their post- its. It wasn’t fair, all the guesswork they had to do to figure out who the hell they were after.

He sighed, looking at his watch as dread filled him. He wasn’t going to make it in time. 

Zayn waved a box in front of his face and he smiled gratefully, taking it. 

“Text if you need me, Boo.”

Flipping him off, he shoved the pizza into a delivery bag and snatched the receipt before making his way to his reap. Sighing, he climbed into his honda and sped off, tapping on the wheel lightly until he slowed at the beginning of the street. There was a van parked on the side of the road at the park beside the hospital, and he watched as a graveling ran across the monkey bars, hopped on top of the van, and took off running down the street. He swallowed hard and parked, exiting the car. 

Fuck, Liam Payne.

He approached the mom and dad, smiling unsurely and for once, he wasn’t faking it. 

“Hi. Just wondering if you could help me out? I’m out for delivery and just realized I’ve forgotten my phone at work and I’m a bit lost.”

The dad smiled, nodding. 

“Sure thing. Where you headed?”

Smiling as politely as he could with his stomach twisting in disgust and anger, he managed to answer. 

“Englewood Lane?”

The man laughed, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked toward his wife, who just rolled her eyes fondly. 

“You’re heading in the wrong direction. It’s across the city, hon.” She started giving him the directions he didn’t need and his heart broke as the little girl came running over, hugging her dad’s leg. 

“Layla. You ready?”

She looked up at her dad and then to Louis and shocked him, extending out her hand. 

“Hi! I’m Layla. This is my daddy.”

He smiled, extending his hand toward the little girl, already knowing he had his reap. 

“Hi. I’m Louis.”

She shook his hand as she started babbling and he smiled as the light chased his hand as the mom started to lead her away, forcing him to let go of the girl's hand. He stood and stopped her mom with a touch to her shoulder, watching the white light of her soul dance up his hand as he did. She looked back, startled slightly. 

“Thank you. Very much.”

She nodded, leading the girl into the van as he faced the dad. 

“You have a beautiful family, sir. You’re very lucky. Thanks for the help.”

He extended his hand and felt tears fill his eyes as the dad’s face lit up, his smile fond as he shook Louis’s hand, unknowingly handing over his soul. 

“Thank you and you’re welcome. Hope your customer isn’t too upset you’re late.”

He laughed, pretending to panic and let go of his hand. 

“Oh no, I better go. Thanks again.”

And without hesitating he got in his car and drove back toward the road the lady had given him directions to, waiting just out of sight until they pulled out and headed straight, only to be run into as another driver sailed through a red light before speeding off.

*H*

Harry stood frozen in place, watching as two cars slammed into each other when he felt someone stand beside him. He tore his eyes away from assessing the scene, as was his duty if near an accident, and felt his mouth drop at the sight of Louis standing next to him. 

He stayed motionless as his eyes roamed the face. He looked sad today and irrationally, Harry was filled with the longing to hold him. He had to fold his arms across his chest to fight it as Louis teared up. He looked otherworldly, like something extraordinary, and it took a few moments for Harry to remember that he probably was. 

“Hi, Harry. How are you?”

He managed to nod as he found his voice, letting it out in a squeak. 

“Fine.” Louis chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m not going to die, am I?”

That got him a head thrown back, belly laugh from the man. Which, rude.

“No. God, no.” Harry frowned as the man recovered, slightly hurt from the reaction he’d gotten. You see the same man around death all the time, once when you died yourself, and suddenly, it's absurd to assume that you might die when they suddenly appear by you. It wasn't absurd, it was logical. “Aw. No, Harry. I’m sorry.” He took Harry’s hand and squeezed it. “I wasn’t making fun of you. You just seemed so resigned.”

“Well, death seems to follow you.”

The man squinted at him, running his lip over his teeth. 

“Or, maybe I follow it.”

Someone rushed past the man, pausing long enough to look back at Harry. 

“Why are you just standing there? Come on.” 

“They can’t see you?” He shook his head, dread filling Harry. “Why can I see you?”

He tilted his head, looking like he wasn’t sure he was going to answer and in spite of everything, it made Harry smile. 

“Well, sometimes, when we’re late or there are too many people around we can go...unnoticed, but it’s not preferable. You see me. Well, this version of me, probably because you died. I think, anyway, it’s not like we get a guide or anything. It’s best guesses.”

He nodded, remembering why he was talking to the man in the first place and was immediately swamped with guilt. He left him, walking toward the scene and surveying it but Louis stopped him. 

“There’s no one to save. That’s why I’m here. The guy who hit them ran and no one here is going to survive. I’ve already rea-”

Going to. He could still save someone.

He looked in the car, and after confirming the man and woman were indeed dead, he spotted a little girl in the back, her eyes open and filled with fear. Instinct kicked in and he rushed over, pulling her door open. 

“Hey, sweetheart. My name is Harry and I’m going to do my best to help you, ok?”

She nodded, tears streaming down her face. Her legs were jammed between her seat and the driver’s, making him wince. He heard Louis telling him there was no use and he’d only delay the inevitable but he ignored him, working to free her as he kept her talking. She kept glancing over his shoulder and he was kind of relieved that she could see him too.

“What’s your name?”

She pulled in a deep breath, eyes lolling as she did and he felt tears build in his eyes. 

“Lay… la.”

He smiled, ignoring Louis’s voice by his shoulder. 

“That’s a beautiful name, Layla.”

She smiled as he managed to free her legs but didn’t seem to be any less uncomfortable. Louis’s voice was soft at his ear as he tried to unsnap her car seat.

“Love, she’s not going to make it.”

He felt the tears in his eyes start to fall as the little girl’s crying got louder. He knew, could tell it was too late but he didn’t have to like it. 

“Layla.” Her eyes focused on him and his heart broke. “I have a friend, he’s special.” She kept staring at him, eyes intense. “When you feel like it, when you’re sleepy, just close your eyes and rest. He’s going to take you somewhere special to play while you sleep, ok?”

She barely smiled, nodding as he grabbed her hand. 

“I’ll take her place.”

He looked back at Louis, who was regarding him with sad, tear-filled eyes. 

“I can’t take you instead. Her time here is up. Her parents are waiting.”

Harry’s emotions broke, more tears sliding down his cheek. 

“Ok. Ok.” He looked up to Layla, smiling through his tears. “My friend, he’s very fun. He’ll take good care of you, ok?”

She barely nodded, her eyes slipping closed. 

“Sweet dreams, Layla.”

They sat in silence until an ambulance pulled in, shouting at people to move. 

“There’s no one to save. The little girl passed as I was accessing her.” His smile was tight as he heard Louis talking to someone. Assuming it was the girl, he tuned it out, extending a hand. “Dr. Harry Styles.”

They directed him where to go from there and soon he found himself sitting in the back of a diner he’d never been in across from the hospital, feeling more lost than he ever had. 

“Harry.”

He looked up and saw Louis standing there, eyes guarded. 

“Hi.”

The man visibly softened as he moved closer. 

“I’m sorry. I tried to tell you.”

He nodded, pushing his hair back. 

“I know. I know. I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”

He shrugged, sitting in the booth next to him instead of across from him.

“I’m glad you didn’t. She wasn’t terrified when I took her and wanted to know if she’d be able to play Candyland when we got there.”

He felt a tear roll down his cheek as he took a deep breath. 

“I just wanted to save her.”

“I know. The worst part of my job. I like it when they’re old and ready to move on. Makes things less messy. You helped me a lot today by telling her your story. Thank you.”

“Yeah. Well, you’re not welcome.”

The man smiled, eyes crinkling, making Harry blush. He was just so pretty. 

“I know. Tell me something I don’t, though. Why a doctor?”

He shrugged, tying his hair up. 

“I just want to help, though after today, maybe not.”

Louis nodded, seeming to get that he was still having trouble. It wasn’t unusual for him to see death, it wasn’t, but he hadn’t dealt with a lot of kids in his years of treating people. Not kids dying anyway. 

“I’m usually the one who gets sent to the kids. My friend Niall does too. It’s always hard because their lives are just starting. I hate it, but I have to follow my orders.”

He got that, he did. Didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell to watch the life fade out of a five-year-old’s eyes. 

“Did she get Candyland?”

Louis shrugged, smiling widely. 

“I’m sure she did.”

He wanted to hug him. Thank him for being so kind but it didn’t seem appropriate but he really didn’t care, probably needed the hug more than he cared to admit. He set his hand on Louis's, smiling as he felt warm skin. Without thinking, he pulled him in close, sighing as he was hugged back. They stayed that way for a long time but eventually, Harry reluctantly pulled away. 

“How are you here? Like, what if you get recognized?”

He shrugged, looking around like he was worried someone overheard Harry. 

“We look different now than we used to. Plain, I guess. Able to blend in more.”

“You couldn’t blend in if you wanted to.” Louis frowned up at him and it made him blush as he tripped over himself to explain. “You just. Your eyes are so pretty. So blue they look like they’re glowing and your face is uh, definitely not plain.”

Looking surprised, he let out an unsure laugh, making Harry’s panic ebb slightly as Louis motioned to the hospital across from them. Oh, yeah. Work. 

“Thank you, Louis.”

“You’re welcome, Harry.”

*L*

Louis waited until Harry left the diner to return to the table with the guys. 

"So, who was that and why were you nicer to him than you've ever been to me?"

He smiled at Liam, patting Zayn's leg because if Zayn got to tell Louis when not to be a prick then he needed to do the same with Liam. 

"That was Harry. Do you remember the mix up with Niall?" Liam nodded. "Well, that was him, and he was at my appointment today and he tried to save her. It was sweet and he actually helped me because she was expecting me since he told her his friend was going to take her somewhere."

Liam stared at him for a long moment before he burst out laughing. 

"You like him."

"Fuck off, Li."

Smirking, Zayn handed over a cheeseburger and he tuned them all out as he ate it. So what if he did like Harry? Was he not allowed to have a crush just because he's technically dead? If he was allowed to feel the guilt and grief every fucking time he reaped a soul, could he not want to feel the warmth radiating from Harry like a goddamned beacon of goodness? 

To top it off, he was absolutely beautiful and now Louis knew he saw him as Louis, not as undead dull Louis, looks made to fade into the background, no he saw Louis, the thirty-two-year-old who'd gone out to a bachelor party and never came home and he was loving the idea that he was going to get a chance to be him again.

"I love that you aren't fighting it for once. It's nice to see your tough guy shit melt for something."

Maybe he wouldn't have a tough guy facade up if he wasn't killing people every day. He didn’t say anything though, only sighed as he finished off his burger and stretching. 

"There's that, then. Do you have anything else for me today?" Liam was looking at him like he’d suddenly grown two heads and for once Louis ignored it, just waited until Liam shook his head slowly. "Ok. See you in the morning."

He started to head out to go home but stopped, staring over at the hospital. He knew he shouldn’t, knew Harry was probably busy, but he didn’t want to just leave it. He knew how hard it was to watch the exact thing Harry had. It was gut-wrenching, left behind a festering bubble of anger that grew until it couldn’t be ignored anymore and he didn’t want Harry to go through that alone if he could help it. 

Making his way inside, he stopped at the man sitting on a bench, staring off and he sighed, taking a seat beside him. 

“Harry.”

Harry looked up, tears wavering in his eyes. 

“Louis.”

He held up his arm and smiled as Harry tucked himself into his side, sniffling. 

“I know it doesn’t feel like it, but I promise you, it’s going to be ok.” His snort made Louis smile. “I know. I know, but at least you tried. You were so good today. You’re a wonderful doctor.” 

When Harry just kept shaking, clearly crying it tore at Louis. Realizing he couldn’t make it better, he just held him tighter. They stayed that way until Harry finally seemed to gain a little control over himself. He set up, wiping at his eyes, breaking Louis’s heart all over again.

“You still have work?” When Harry shook his head, Louis stood, holding out his hand. “Let me walk you home?”

When Harry shook his head, he tried not to let the disappointment in, but couldn’t help it. He just wanted to make sure he was ok. Had hoped they were past Harry thinking he went around killing people for sport.

*H*

Harry bit back the smile threatening to break free as Louis tried to hide his reaction. He just didn’t want to go home. If he went home he’d just replay it over and over until he fell asleep and he’d just keep doing it until he had to go back to work the next night. 

“Do you think we could just walk around? Like, just. Not go home?”

Louis smiled, the crinkles by his eyes deepening and it somehow helped loosen the tightness in his chest. He took Louis’s hand when he offered it and followed him down the sidewalk, content to let him lead the way. Louis led him toward downtown and he laughed as he pulled him into a bar. 

“I really don’t think drinking on my only night off is a good idea.”

Louis just shrugged, ordering two beers and paying before Harry could even offer. He followed him toward a booth in the back and smiled at him as he took the seat across from him. 

“One drink won’t hurt.” 

He winked, sliding a glass over and normally Harry would argue, but after the day he’d had, he just took the glass in his hand and took a long drink, ignoring Louis’s chuckle. 

One drink turned into two, then three and he laughed more in the hours they spent there than he had in the last six months. They talked about anything and everything, from favorite movies to coping methods. He had to physically stop himself from cooing when Louis said it was only after a hard day he’d go volunteer at youth centers or nurseries. 

He also tucked it away, filing it under his new and rapidly growing “reasons why Louis is an actual angel” file in his brain. 

*L*

Louis sighed as the last call sounded and looked up into Harry’s eyes, seeing his reluctance to leave reflected in the gorgeous green eyes locked on his own but he knew they needed to go. 

“Let me walk you home?”

He nodded as they stood and let Louis take his hand, following along as Louis led them out and butterflies were swarming his stomach like he was back in middle school and talking to his crush for the first time. He didn’t think anything could bat them away. 

“So, how long have you been, like you are?”

He smiled, even as his heart plummeted. Well, he sighed, there was apparently one thing that could. He’d been having such a good time, it had been so easy to forget that Harry actually knew who, or what, he was. 

It was enough of a shock to sober him and chase all the warmth from his body, filling it with the all too familiar cold and dread. 

“Um. Seven years. I think. Almost eight.”

He watched Harry nod and desperately wanted to know what he was thinking. Wanted to know if he thought Louis chose this. Wanted to assure him that if he’d had the choice he’d have chosen to be anything else. Harry didn’t ask any more questions or offer anything of himself, so Louis left it hanging there, hoping it wouldn’t scare Harry away. 

In comfortable silence, they wandered around town for a while longer before they were finally stood just outside the door to Harry’s building. Louis stepped forward, smiling as he tucked a wayward curl behind Harry’s ears, staring right into his eyes. 

“Sleep well, Harry.”

He nodded, hesitating slightly before turning and disappearing behind the doors. Louis lurked for a bit before he headed home, curling up in bed alone and wishing he wasn't. Wishing he was anywhere but there. 


	4. Chapter 4

*L*

Louis gripped the post-it in his hand and glared at Liam who was looking up at him with the fakest innocent look he'd ever seen. 

"G.T Hart. Second floor. Mercy. ETD Ten thirty-two A.M." Zayn tapped his hand twice and Louis withdrew it, flashing him a dark look before turning back to Liam, smirking. "Revenge is sweet my friend, and mine will be the sweetest."

Liam laughed, and Zayn thanked him with his eyes and really, Zayn owed him so much weed for the shit he put Louis through. 

"See you, Zaynie." He blew the man a kiss before glaring back at Liam. "Bye, Loam." He started for the door, passing a frantic looking Niall. "Hi, Ni. Bye, Ni."

Niall stopped in his tracks and smiled the ridiculously sweet smile he only used when he wanted something. 

"Harry is behind me. Stay. Introduce us, please?"

He groaned, hating that Niall was like his little brother and he couldn't say no to him so he trudged his way back to the table with him, ignoring the others snickering. 

"Shut up. Niall would like to meet him properly and who am I to disappoint him. It'd be like kicking a puppy. Couldn't bear it."

Liam just shook his head, eyeing the door as Harry walked through it looking more beautiful than anyone had the right to in scrubs. Their eyes locked and held and he read the questions in Harry's eyes, even from a distance. Nodding, he slid over, making room for him, trying to ignore Liam raising his brows at him. Louis flipped him off before Zayn could ask him not to with a tap. 

"Hey."

Louis smiled up at him, content to pretend Liam didn't exist for the moment. 

"Hey, Harry. Want to join us?"

He smiled, looking hesitant. They’d met up a couple of times through the last week, Louis wanting to make sure Harry really was ok, and even though the topics stayed light, he knew Harry thought they were something they weren’t. 

"I'm just grabbing something before I go home. I don't want to intrude on your morning."

"Oh, you aren't." 

Harry looked over and gasped to himself as he saw Niall. Taking his hand, Louis eased him into the seat beside him, rubbing circles into his skin. He wondered how much Harry actually remembered from his accidental death. 

"Easy, H." Harry looked to him, a weird sort of panic in his eyes. "Ni's my friend. Niall." At his wide eyes, Louis smiled. "Yes,  _ that _ Niall but that day was my fault and you like me ok. Calm down, love."

Reaching up, he tucked a stray curl behind Harry's ear and ignored Liam's gaze burning into him. For once, he didn't give a shit. Let Liam see how soft Louis could be for someone. Someone so precious they could be scared of Niall.  _ Niall.  _ He watched Harry look from Niall and then to Liam and when his eyes finally landed on Zayn, he felt him stiffen even more. Did he remember Zayn too?

Zayn smirked, watching Harry fish mouth for a few moments before he released a squeak that Louis swore was, "Oh, the God". Liam's giggle and Harry's blush all but confirmed it but instead of releasing the little chuckle he felt bubble up, he just squeezed Harry's hand tighter, exuding all the calm he could muster. He tried to imagine it running down his arm, through his hand, and into Harry. Hoping that it'd work. If he could take their souls, shouldn't he be able to calm their nerves? 

It seemed only fair. 

When Harry's shoulders relaxed, Louis let out a breath. It was probably a coincidence, but he'd take it. 

"So, you're all angels?" When no one said anything, Harry frowned, looking to each of them before clearing his throat, leaning in close to them all. "Demons?"

Louis watched their reactions. Liam's eyes hardened, Niall had his lip held between his teeth to keep from laughing, and Zayn, had soft eyes aimed at Harry like he'd fallen in love with him from just one question. Louis moved his hand to his back, rubbing it softly, trying to comfort him. He licked his lips as their eyes met and his chest warmed, fondness for Harry once again curling its way through his veins and settling in the little place he’d already carved for himself in Louis’s heart. He looked so lost and a little hurt that Louis couldn’t have lied to him, even if he’d have wanted to. 

"Um." He started, still rubbing circles on Harry’s back, loving that his breathing was steadying with the touch. "Reapers." Harry's head snapped over to him so fast it looked painful. "We collect the souls of the living just before they die so that the soul doesn't experience any of the pain." 

Harry stared at him for a long moment, before nodding, letting out a breath. 

"Ok."

Everyone else around the table seemed to wait for something more, but Louis could already tell it really was going to be that simple. He figured that with Harry remembering them from his near-death experience, or kind of death experience, had probably done wonders for him just going with it. That and him suspecting him of something for the longest time mixed with the bits of information he’d collected from their conversations over the last week. 

"So. Food? Are you hungry? My treat."

Harry smiled over at him, soft and warm, melting Louis's nerves into a pile of content goo right there in front of everyone and he couldn't even be bothered to care, just wanted Harry to look at him like that for the rest of his afterlife. He waved their waitress down and smiled as Harry ordered. 

"Banana pancakes?"

Harry tilted his head as Louis remained silent. His eyes lost some of the glint he loved so he sighed, settling in. 

"Chocolate chip, please." Harry's smile was worth all the shit he knew he'd be getting the next morning. "and a tea with just a bit of milk, please. Thanks."

She took Niall's order and Louis ignored everyone to look at the time, then his post-it. 

"What's that?"

Louis weighed his options. He could bullshit him, or he could be honest. What would be the truth that sent Harry running? Was he willing to chance that it would be this? Was the little bit of time he’d spent with Harry enough if Harry decided it was too much, or that they were all crazy, or a cult?

He was still deciding when Liam introduced himself and started to lie. He could let him too, it would be easier. He’d get to keep Harry in his life longer but it didn’t feel fair. He'd almost had Harry's soul reaped prematurely, surely that meant he could get away with not lying to him. When Liam finished telling him about how they were appointments for deliveries, Harry looked over to Louis clearly unconvinced. Zayn tapped his thigh three times, a warning, and Louis ignored him for the first time in nearly eight years. 

"It's my appointment for today, for my reap. I was just making sure I had time to eat before needing to go."

Harry's eyes widened for a moment, making Louis wonder if he'd said too much too soon but as quickly as he’d let his shock show, he tamed it, licking his lips as he pointed down to the post-it lying on the table between them. 

"Like, that's. For someone's soul?"

He nodded, holding his breath as he watched several emotions flit through Harry’s eyes. He saw the shock, the disbelief, the fear that he hoped he wouldn’t have seen, and finally curiosity. He could see it clear on his face as he tilted his head, clearly trying to word his sentence correctly, probably afraid to say the wrong thing, as if there was a proper response to finding out grim reapers existed. 

"Well. Um." When he kept just fish mouthing the words, Louis took his hand beneath the table, lacing their fingers and squeezing. Harry calmed enough to clear his throat, making Louis smile. "Well. Can I come with you?"

Shrugging, Louis kept Harry's hand in his as their food arrived. It seemed to help Harry, and Louis would never admit it out loud but the way they fit, the way Louis's entire body warmed from the touch, was such a rush he could barely fight the urge to burrow into Harry in front of everyone. He just felt like someone Louis was meant to know and Louis was too weak to let it go.

*H*

Harry tried his best to ignore Liam's eyes on him, stealing bites of Louis's pancakes and smiling at Niall’s complaints that Louis never shared food with any of them. He really was trying, but that gaze felt more like a suffocating weight than light curiosity, like if Harry made one wrong move, he was prepared to pounce. It had his nerves on edge and he was starting to regret sitting down, even if Louis seemed to love that he had. 

He just couldn’t understand why Liam wouldn’t be ok for him to know? Harry could still be pretending he was just misunderstanding Louis when he said something just slightly off. He could pretend his whole world hadn’t been flipped on its head with those blue eyes. He could still have a firm grasp of his reality. He could still be thinking that the undead were like zombies and pale vampires, or skeletons swathed in black robes instead of beautiful men, who looked as alive as he was.

But he didn’t want to. 

He had questions he knew Louis would answer if he ever managed to scrape together enough nerve to ask. Like, did they still have heartbeats? Could they love? Hurt? Anything? He felt like Louis could. No, He  _ knew  _ he could. You could see every emotion pass across his face even as he tried to hide it, but the others were harder to read. 

Especially Liam. 

Liam seemed to have only one setting. Cold. Clinical, and that scared Harry because it was how he had always imagined serial killers to look and really, who decided what souls to take? Could Liam just choose to reap his soul? Just because? And now, he knew their secret, so maybe?

"Haz," He looked over at the nickname, smiling at the blush stealing across Louis's cheeks. "You ok?"

He nodded, squeezing his hand before letting go to get a drink of his coffee. He noticed everyone was done eating and were currently trying to split the bill evenly. Louis ignored Liam’s mumbling and set down a twenty, stretching his arms up afterward, giving the table a peek of his tummy as he did. Harry couldn’t help but stare. He hadn’t given too much thought to what Louis’s body would look like. Ok. He had, but he hadn’t been expecting the slight, barely noticeable pudge there to light his blood on fire the way it was. 

He swallowed against his sudden want, trying to ignore it. Tried to ignore wanting to hike up his shirt and trail kisses over it before he moved lower, kissing down the barely-there dusting of hair he’d spotted. 

"Are you ready? My appointment is at the hospital." 

Harry paled a little as the question pulled him from daydreaming and he tried to fight the blush he felt creeping up his chest as he met Louis’s clearly amused eyes. As Louis’s words registered, he felt cold dread seep into his bones. He’d almost forgotten about it. The appointment. He wasn't sure why he wanted to go. Morbid curiosity? To see it for himself when he wasn't losing his mind over suddenly being faced with it? Either way, he was going and Louis seemed to get that he was freaking out, because as soon as they were standing, Louis took his hand again and it felt so much like they were made for each other, Harry wanted to laugh. 

It'd be just his luck that his soulmate was already dead. 

"See you guys. Harold?" He smiled as Louis tugged him along. "Can't be late. Gotta date with fate."

He giggled at the rhyme until he realized that the date with fate, was actually a date with death, and it wasn't funny anymore. 

He followed Louis across the street, toward the hospital with his heart in his throat the whole time. Louis paused, checking his phone, and then the post-it, and Harry felt his stomach turn as they headed for the elevator. Still, he stepped in behind Louis, not meeting his eyes when he felt Louis's burn into him. 

"You don't have to do this. Been at it for a while now. Pretty sure I can manage on my own."

He shrugged, pulling in a deep breath. 

"I'll be fine. I'm just not a fan of death, but I mean. It'll be fine. You're not killing him, you're saving him. Right?"

Louis snorted. 

"According to Liam." Harry met his eyes, frowning at the anger in them. "Apparently, if you don't reap the soul before they die, they're stuck in the body until you do. Liam says he found that out the hard way, but it doesn't make me feel any less shitty about it."

"You're very open."

"Not really. It's just." Harry watched him fix his fringe, smiling at how boyish it made him look. "I can't talk to Niall about it because he's just. So happy, all the time, silver linings for days. And Zayn, he's so worried about Liam and making sure Liam's happy that I feel like it'd be unfair for him to know how I truly feel because he'd have to tell Liam and then Liam would go into dad mode again, and I'm older than him, technically speaking." Harry huffed out a laugh, making Louis look to him and those beautiful blue eyes that made his knees weak had a plea to be understood in them that Harry couldn't ignore. "I just can't talk to them, but I feel like I can talk to you."

"Yeah." Harry swallowed, everything in him tingling, wanting nothing more than to wrap Louis in his arms and protect him from the world around them. "Yeah, you can always talk to me, Lou."

Louis smiled, bright and warm, the crinkles around his eyes deeper than he'd ever seen them and he wanted to make Louis that happy for the rest of his life. He reached out, pulling Louis closer, smiling as he came easily. Just as he was pressed against Harry’s chest, the elevator dinged, breaking whatever spell had settled over them. He watched the bright smile dim as Louis sighed, pulling away and looking to his phone again before quickly walking out as the doors opened. It made that feeling of wanting to protect him grow from a want, to a need. So, Harry followed him, helping him as much as he could. 

They eventually ended up outside the waiting room for the maternity ward after Harry used his status to find a Hart and they both realized that the older man, waiting in the corner, looking happy and cheery was about to make his family's day all the more emotional. 

"Louis."

Louis gave him a tight smile, a warning in his eyes as he sat in front of him, jiggling his legs. Harry hated that he wanted to see it. Hated that he wanted to see how Louis did this. Wanted to know Louis, every piece of him, even the parts of him that Louis didn't seem fond of. Hated even. 

For Harry, there was already a certain comfort in knowing that yeah, it sucked that they were dying, but there was obviously so much more to this life than he'd ever know. Somehow it made it better for him, knowing this wouldn’t be the end of the people, just a continuation, that this had all been temporary. 

Louis smiled as the man approached him, smiling widely, mistaking him for a nervous father on a break from the labor rooms. Louis chuckled, laughing as he ran a hand through his hair and played the part, breaking Harry's heart as he did. When the man laughed patting Louis on the shoulder, Louis stood up, shaking his hand and thanking him, letting his hand fall slowly from the man's. 

The man stared at Louis's back as he made his way back toward Harry, and it was like he knew he'd just met someone special, the way his smile spread over his face. When Louis was close enough, Harry took his hand and pulled him from the room but stopped in the hall when they were just out of sight, leaning back against the wall. 

"I have to wait for him."

That made Harry pause. He had to wait? Like, had to watch it happen too? That seemed unnecessarily cruel and Harry fought the urge to pull Louis into him and hold him close, even as everything in him screamed that it was exactly what Louis needed. 

"You can go. I just have to lead him to wherever it is he needs to go once he's dead."

Shaking his head, Harry leaned against the wall next to Louis. 

"I'd rather be with you. If you don't mind?"

Nodding, Louis sank down to sit on the floor, pulling his knees into his chest, so Harry did too, smiling as Louis rested his head on his knees and looked over to him. He was once again struck by Louis’s beauty, but instead of leaning down and capturing his lips like he’d wanted to for so long, he crossed his eyes, sticking out his tongue. His heart skipped as it earned him a chuckle, Louis’s eyes finding their way back to meet his and the air felt charged as neither of them looked away.

Harry’s breathing sped up as Louis leaned in slowly, like he was unsure if his kiss would be welcomed, and Harry wanted to laugh. He was sure his crush on Louis was so obvious. Just as he let his eyes slip closed, anticipation pumping through him, there was an outburst of cheers and then screams mixing in until loud wails were all you could hear, and Louis was on his feet in an instant, smiling as he gently spoke with the man Harry couldn't see. 

He followed behind them as Louis led him out and he wrapped his arms around Louis's shoulders as he stopped short, watching something with the oddest mix of sadness and happiness Harry had ever seen. 

"He's gone. We can go."

They walked down the sidewalk like they had all the time in the world, and even though Harry was brimming with questions, he stayed silent. Louis didn't seem to want to talk about it and really, he'd probably already given Harry way more than he should have, so he didn't want to push his luck. They were about to pass his place anyway. 

"This is me."

Louis looked up at the building, then back to Harry with a forced smile. 

"See you later, Haz."

He knew it was a bad idea the second it entered his head but Louis seemed sad and Harry just wanted to make him happy and he wondered if he couldn't talk to his friends, was there anyone waiting for him at home? Did he have anyone to listen to him? To hold him when he very clearly needed it? Cause Harry would absolutely be that person given the chance. 

"You want to come up?"

Louis's brows hit his hairline so fast it was comical, making Harry giggle as Louis tried to hide his shock. God, he was beautiful. Harry's stomach swooped as Louis looked up at him through his lashes, reaching out to touch his stomach. 

"Yeah. Sure."


	5. Chapter 5

*L*

Louis woke up feeling warm and better than he could ever remember. Stretching, his hand hit something and he frowned, glancing over and oh. Oh shit. He was with Harry. Their afternoon, talking and watching bad TV and eating snacks, came flooding back. So did all the touches and glances that made Louis want to crawl into Harry's lap and kiss him until neither of them could breathe then beg him to take him to bed.

He didn't though. 

Harry had fallen asleep during a commercial break and the only way he'd go to bed, was if Louis agreed to join him and it had been so long since Louis had been that close to someone, it hadn't taken much to convince him. Just a soft "Please, Lou" and he was pretty much putty in the other man's hands. 

Not wanting to end his time with Harry, curled back into him but just as his eyes were starting to feel heavy, his phone went off. Swearing to himself, he reached down to pull it from his jeans on the floor before it woke Harry. It pinged again as he managed to fish it out, Liam’s name there, making him roll his eyes as he read the texts he'd missed from the man. 

**_Where are you?_ **

**_Harry take it ok?_ **

**_You know you can't keep this up, right? He can't be this involved._ **

**_He's alive, Louis. and you're not. Let him go before either of you get hurt._ **

Sighing, he sent a text to Zayn, a warning that if he didn't get to Liam and stop his ridiculous texts he'd hurt him before letting his phone drop back to the floor. He needed to get up. He had work, and so did Harry. God, he hated Liam sometimes. Of course, he knew that it would never work between him and Harry, that they couldn't possibly navigate a relationship, but something in Harry called to Louis. Something that was too big and too good to ignore. He didn’t want to. Harry made him feel safe for the first time since he'd looked back at his car wrapped around a tree and met Liam. 

Back then, he'd thought Liam knew everything, but slowly, Louis realized that he was just set in his ways and that half the rules he'd had for them, were just his control-freak issues leaking out and as much as he loved Liam, and wanted to respect him, he made it hard to do. Especially when he seemed to hate that Louis was like Zayn. He knew he was convinced that Louis was with them simply because Zayn’s time would be up soon, but seven years in, and Zayn had yet to meet quota, and he was still harder on Louis. 

"You ok?"

Harry’s hoarse voice chased the anger right out of him. He felt a smile already tugging at his lips before he even looked over, and once he did, he knew it had grown. A sleep soft Harry, with lines across his cheek and puffy eyes, peeked out from his comforter. Those eyes were the most beautiful eyes he'd ever looked into, and he'd seen a lot of eyes over the years but Harry's, soft and greener than any forest or field, held so much kindness in them, he just knew people flocked to him. Everything about him screamed warm and safe and there, in Harry’s bed, in the little studio apartment, Louis wanted nothing more than to burrow into him and never leave. 

Clearing his throat, he shuffled forward, laying back down and facing Harry. 

"I'm fine."

Harry nodded, eyes trained on him the whole time. 

"Thank you. For taking me today."

He shrugged, not ready to admit that even though they really didn't know each other well he'd probably do anything to make him happy. 

"Not a hardship." When Harry frowned, looking lost, he clarified. "Being with you. It's... nice."

The confusion melted, giving way to what looked a lot like contentment, and that little hole in his chest that warmed when Harry was around grew a little and Louis let it. Liam could get over himself. 

"I think so, too. Being with you feels right."

Right. So, they both liked how it felt to be together. So, tentative friendship. 

"Wanna go to work with me? We can go visit the babies?"

Louis smiled at him, hoping how much he appreciated the attempted distraction was plain on his face. 

"I have work, but I can stop in afterward?"

Harry’s face fell, and Louis reached out, a finger on each side of his lips, and pushed them up, forcing him to smile.

“I only work until two tonight. I’d like to stop by, if it’d be ok?”

Harry rolled his eyes, reaching up and pulling Louis’s hands into his own. 

“If you insist. Yes, it’ll be ok.”

Louis winked, throwing the blankets off them and pouncing on top of Harry, tickling him until he was shouting, tearing streaming down his face as he begged him to stop. He did, pushing Harry’s hair away from his face, meeting his eyes. He tried his best to ignore the flare of heat he felt simmering in his belly at the sight of Harry flushed and sweaty beneath him, looking more beautiful than anyone who’d just woken up had the right to. 

God, he wanted to kiss him. Everything in him was screaming at him to, and he knew Harry wouldn’t reject him and that thought had another spark igniting so he swallowed against it and rubbed his thumb over Harry’s cheek. 

“Thank you. For everything. You want me to bring you lunch?”

Harry’s eyes dimmed just slightly, making Louis bite back a smirk. He definitely wouldn’t reject him. 

“Yeah.”

They showered and Louis borrowed Harry's clothes before leaving him with a hug in front of the building as they headed in separate directions. Louis would never admit it out loud, but he was already missing him. 

When he pushed through the doors of Mary’s, Zayn was already there, smug smile in place and Louis groaned. 

“What?”

Zayn, shrugged, looking at his nails. 

“Oh, nothing.”

He shrugged off his borrowed hoodie and grabbed an extra shirt from the office, trying to ignore Zayn but he couldn’t. 

“Zaynie. Come on, man. I’m not in the mood. What’s up?”

Zayn giggled, and it caught Louis off guard, before he realized Zayn was probably high. 

“You spent the night with Harry.”

He swallowed, his body going cold. He hadn’t told anyone. There was no way for Zayn to know that. 

“I didn’t.”

Zayn cackled, leaning against the counter as an elderly couple walked in. Louis took their order and assured them he’d bring it out as soon as it was up and got their drinks for them, before turning back to Zayn, who had calmed slightly in the five minutes that had passed. 

“You literally confirmed it with the way you went all cagey.”

Knowing Zayn wouldn’t let it go because he thought he was right, Louis decided to just let it out. Zayn would know he was lying anyway and his privacy wasn’t worth fighting with his best friend. 

“Ok. I did. Nothing happened before you ask. There were moments where it could have, but one of us chickened out every time. That’s all you’re getting.”

Zayn pouted and suddenly Louis was spilling it all out. He hated him for his ability to get his way until they were closing up and Zayn pulled him in close, hugging him so tightly, Louis wouldn’t have been able to get out of it if he’d wanted to. 

He didn’t want to. 

He sank into the embrace, pressing his face into Zayn’s neck, inhaling his wildflowers and smoke, and leather scent that just made Zayn, Zayn. 

“I’m really happy you’ve found someone who makes you light up. It’s beautiful to see.”

He teared up at the whispered words, thanking him as Zayn rocked them slightly. 

“I’ll try to talk to Liam after breakfast, but you know how he is.” He pulled back, looking down at Louis with a serious expression. “It doesn’t make me love him any less. His stubbornness. I know it gets to you, but he does truly think he’s helping. Please try to remember that in the morning.” 

He nodded, stepping back as Zayn let him go and they both laughed awkwardly when someone cleared their throat behind them. It was Mary, giving them a soft smile as she shooed them out and Louis joined Zayn for a smoke before they parted ways, leaving him feeling like less of a shitty friend as he made his way to Harry. 

They ate together in Harry’s office and it was easy. Harry made things feel ok, so ok that after Harry's shift, Louis thought nothing of inviting him back to breakfast with the others. He should've though, because Liam was on his high horse and it took Zayn snapping at him to get him off of it. 

"I just don't think it's a good idea."

Zayn glared at him, shocking Louis since he’d asked him to overlook Liam, not twelve hours earlier.

"Are there official rules against it?"

Liam frowned over at him, like Zayn was the one in the wrong. 

"Not necessarily. I'm sure it's frowned upon though."

Before Zayn could say whatever he was going to, Harry cleared his throat. 

"Hey, Liam." 

Louis's eyes widened as Harry calmly cut up his omelet. Liam hummed, and Harry put down his knife, looking at him as he took a bite and chewed. Louis should definitely not find the threatening glare Harry was aiming at Liam hot. He shouldn't, but it was and he was sure anyone looking at him could tell he'd be on his knees in a second if Harry asked him right then.

Harry swallowed before he spoke again, still as calm as ever. 

"You realize that I'm an oncologist, right? Like, I literally deal with death all the time." Liam cleared his throat, making Louis smirk. He met Zayn's eyes and even though he looked panicked, he also seemed amused. "Also, how long have you had that stick up your ass?"

Louis couldn't contain it. He cackled loudly, drawing the attention of several other customers. He'd been wanting to ask Liam the same question from the day he met him and he knew the others had wanted to as well. Liam could be fun, but he had to want to be fun, and Liam rarely ever wanted to be fun. Liam liked schedules and rules, and he clung to them so hard, and of course, there had to be a reason, but it didn't make it any less intolerable. To constantly abide by a set of rules you weren’t even sure existed sucked. 

"Well." Liam started and Zayn, face bright red and tears in his eyes from holding in his laughter, covered Liam’s mouth, muffling the words, "I've never had a  _ stick _ up there, but..."

Louis just, lost it. He put his head in the crook of his arm and laughed until he was sure he was going to throw up all while Harry rubbed his back. When he finally felt calm enough, he turned his head, looking up to Harry, smiling as his chest filled with adoration for him. 

"I'm so glad Niall almost stole your soul."

Harry winked down at him, holding his fork out with a bit of his omelet. He felt too light to care about being judged and opened his mouth, letting Harry feed it to him. 

"Wanna know a secret?" He nodded, chewing. "Me too."

Liam cleared his throat, and when Louis looked over he was holding out a post-it, bringing Louis’s reality crashing back down over him. Couldn’t he have one moment without death hanging over his head? Harry must have noticed he was fighting something because he reached out for it, thanking Liam quietly. Louis watched him glance down at it, then to his phone, and finally down to Louis with a soft smile in place that made him swallow against tears. 

“We have time for a nap.”

He nodded, resting his head on Harry’s shoulder. After a few moments, he felt someone lean into him and turned, finding Niall’s face entirely too close. He looked over to Liam and Zayn, but they were all cuddled up, making Louis smile as he looked back to Niall, brows raised. 

“What? I feel left out. Also, you never cuddle anyone. I like to cuddle, you apparently like to cuddle. We should cuddle.”

Louis looked up to Harry, who shrugged, so he just, didn’t fight it. He held up his arm and let Niall fall against his side and held him tight, feeling more content at that table in the corner of the diner than he ever had and it was all thanks to Harry. 


	6. Chapter 6

*H*

It’d been a few weeks of them being in each other’s pockets and in those few weeks, Harry had gotten to know Louis in bits. He still had to have his tea before starting his day. He liked to keep up with his friends, even Liam even though he’d never admit it. He was set on watching the evening news and would go down to the cafeteria at the hospital to watch it if Harry had work. Which is how he had met Harry’s favorite patient, an older lady named Marlene. Who, of course, was his current appointment. 

He’d been fighting him all day and evening. With how close they’d become, he knew Louis well enough to know he wasn’t going to let it go easily. 

"I don't want to."

Harry pulled in a deep breath, trying not to be annoyed. Sometimes, Louis could do an appointment without a problem, and other times, he put up a fight like nothing Harry had seen before. 

"You have to."

Louis hummed, looking at his nails. 

"She's your patient. Shouldn't you want me to not do it more than I don’t want to?"

Harry sat down on his desk, smiling sadly at Louis. 

"She's been fighting it for years, Louis. Years, and she's tired. Don't you think she'd like a break? You and I both know that she's going to go somewhere better. Why make her suffer longer?"

"Because it's not fair."

Harry shrugged, spreading his legs and pulling Louis between them, holding him close. It was still surprising to him, how tactile Louis was with how much his body language screamed for everyone to fuck off. Niall had been right though, he liked to cuddle, and it was Harry's favorite thing in the world. To hold him and feel like he was letting his walls down for him, was the best feeling. Louis tucked his face into his neck, breathing him in and he ignored the spark of heat it flared in the pit of his stomach and just held him like he knew he needed. 

"It's not fair to make her suffer longer either, especially when it's her time, baby."

He felt Louis freeze at the endearment and kicked himself. Louis didn’t take to other things as easily as he did cuddling. Harry liked to think it was out of just not having it for so long, instead of not wanting it with Harry, and he really hadn't meant to say it. Louis was just. Hard to not love. Everything about him was soft and sweet, even when he tried to hide it, and sometimes, most of the time, Harry just wanted to pull him into his arms and never let him go. 

Instead of pulling away like Harry had feared he would, Louis pulled back just enough to see Harry's face, and they stared at each other for a long moment before Louis leaned in slightly and oh.

Oh, God. Finally.

Licking his lips, Harry let his gaze flicker down to Louis's, hoping beyond all hope that he was right and Louis was going to kiss him. When he met Louis's eyes again, they were closer and only the tiniest bit of distance would have them kissing and all Harry had to do was lean forward and he'd be kissing Louis. Heart in his throat, he leaned in, leaving just a sliver of space between their lips. 

“Please.”

Everything in him went warm at the whisper Louis exhaled against his lips and he just wanted. Wanted to give into whatever had been building between them since Louis had talked him down from a panic attack while he was on death’s doorstep. They felt inevitable, like fate was going to shove them together until they stuck and he couldn’t wait to give in to her, to make Louis his. 

Just as he pressed forward, the door to his office slammed open, startling them apart as Harry's boss stood on the other side. 

"Styles. You should be doing rounds."

Clearing his throat, he stood up and stepped around Louis. 

"Sorry. I lost track of time. I'm sorry. I’ll get right on it."

Mr. Cowell stared him down for a few moments before shaking his head and walking off, leaving them giggling and blushing as they both realized what almost just happened. 

"Come on, curly. Let's go reap a soul."

Smiling, Harry took his hand. 

"Let's."

It was probably morbid that he liked it, felt like he was helping the people Louis seemed to pity and want to save, but death was a part of life and there was no way to avoid it, and if what Liam said about having to do it, then Louis had to. Harry tried hard to get him to see it as a service, instead of a burden. 

It never worked. 

He led him to Marlene, who was awake and smiling when they walked in. He watched Louis tear up as he sat next to her bed, chatting with her about her day and his as Harry did what he knew would be her last assessment. What Louis didn’t know was that she hadn’t had a visitor the whole time she’d been admitted. In two weeks, not one family member had darted the door. She was sad and tired and he was relieved that she was going to get to move on. To do something more than stay there and waste away. 

When he was done, Harry left Louis, smiling sadly as he watched the two of them. An hour later, Harry had completed his rounds and was finishing up his notes and paperwork for the night when Louis dropped himself into the chair across from Harry, tear tracks on his cheeks. 

“I’m going to hang with Zayn for a bit, if that’s ok?” He nodded, reaching forward and capturing Louis’s hand in his for a moment before squeezing and letting go. “Meet me at the diner?”

“Of course.”

Louis didn’t move, he just stared at him. He felt like he was being studied, but it didn’t feel invasive, it felt nice. With Louis’s eyes tracing over his face, he felt his heart start it’s all too familiar climb into his throat. When Louis stood, he let out a relieved breath, until he realized that Louis was coming to him, not leaving. He lowered himself into Harry’s lap and he let out a squeak he was sure he’d be embarrassed about later, but since it was taking everything in him to keep his breathing steady, he doubted it. 

He hesitantly set his hands on Louis’ hips as Louis wrapped his arms around his neck, that same intense look in his eyes even more devastating up close. 

“Thank you. For everything.”

Harry wanted to tell him that he didn’t need to thank him. It was nothing to be with him, but Louis always thanked him, like Harry was taking on something instead of gaining the best thing he’d ever experienced in his life. Sometimes he just wanted to shake him and ask him how he didn’t see that he was everything. 

Before he could respond, Louis’s lips crashed down on his and everything else faded away. All the beeping from the monitors, all the nurses talking, and the echoing sound of footsteps faded into nothingness. The only thing he registered was the feel of Louis’s thin lips dancing over his own, setting everything in Harry on fire in a way Harry hadn’t known a kiss could. He felt tears build as Louis deepened the kiss, overwhelmed by how right it felt to have this man in his arms. 

When he traced Harry’s bottom lip with his tongue, Harry broke, whining into the kiss as he crushed Louis’s body against his own and put everything he had into it. 

He wanted to show him how loved he was and always would be.

A giggle from the door pulled them out of their bubble, Louis sitting up quickly and gracing him with the most endearingly shy smile he’d ever seen. 

“Sorry. Lou said to meet him here.”

Harry grinned as a blush stole across Louis’s cheeks. 

“Meet at the diner?”

He nodded, leaning up and pressing one last kiss to Louis’s lips before letting him go. All too soon Louis was standing, making his way to Zayn like he hadn’t just completely altered Harry’s life. With one last look back, he gave Harry that same small smile and Harry already missed him. 

*L*

Zayn was quiet until they were two blocks from the hospital and when he spoke, it wasn’t the lecture he’d been expecting. Sometimes Louis forgot that just because Liam and Zayn were together, didn’t mean they shared a brain. That they were complete opposites, really.

“I’m happy for you, man.” 

He smiled, touching his lips. He was happy for himself too. His good mood lasted the whole time he was with Zayn, lounging and smoking until they had to go meet Liam and that feeling of resentment curled it’s way back through Louis’s veins. Liam had to see how many hospital reaps he was giving Louis and he was so sick of reaping people he saw regularly through volunteering or being at work with Harry. Sick of having to say goodbye to friends. 

Zayn noticed his mood tank and sighed, nudging him a little as they headed for the diner. When they arrived, Harry wasn’t there and instead of waiting for him, he made his way across the street, finding Harry sat on a bench. 

“Hey.”

Harry smiled, patting the seat beside him so Louis took a seat. When Harry didn’t say anything, he settled in, content to just be with him. 

“I think. If you don’t mind. I’m going to skip the diner. I’m just...not in the mood for Liam this morning.”

Louis nodded, trying, and probably failing, to hide his disappointment. 

“Ok. Haz. See you this evening?”

He nodded, smiling softly. 

“Sure, babe.”

Louis leaned over, kissing him softly before he could stand and it was still as amazing as it was last night. Something that just felt right. Harry was smiling when he pulled back and stood up, already saying bye. Louis stopped him though, smiling as he stood and joined him. 

“Text me when you wake up?”

He nodded, smiling down at him softly and Louis had to bite back three little words as Harry walked away, hands stuffed into his scrubs. Louis watched him until he was just a speck in the distance and braced himself before heading back across the road to the diner, wishing Liam would just let it be. 

His wish, for once, was granted and they had a nice, civil breakfast. Making plans to catch a movie later in the week and when Liam cleared his throat, drawing everyone’s attention to him, Louis didn’t expect it to be about him. 

“What would you like to do for your death day this year?”

Louis frowned, shrugging his shoulders. 

“I’m good, Li. Thanks though.”

Liam’s face fell and Zayn nudged him but he ignored it. The last thing he wanted to do was celebrate the day he died, with a party or get together of any kind. He hated it every year when he was ignored too. Niall, who never fared well with tension or awkwardness, started babbling about nothing and Louis took pity on him, making his excuses to leave, smiling tightly as Liam handed over a post-it. 

“See you guys later.”

He wandered around until he felt dead on his feet and made his way home for the first time in what felt like forever and sighed as he stripped down to his boxers and laid out in his bed. How the hell did he fill his time before he met Harry? He had to have done more than mope around, right? Had he really spent almost eight years, just settling for the bare minimum? 

Sighing, he ran his hand over his face, debating texting Harry to ask him to come over and hold him when there was a soft rap at his door. 

He didn’t get dressed as he made his way to the day, hoping maybe the universe had done him a solid and it was Harry anyway, but he deflated, sighing heavily when he opened the door to reveal a wide-eyed Liam. The sight of Liam made him think about how he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what he did before Harry, other than being angry and he felt embarrassment curled through him, realizing he’d focused a lot of time on arguing with Liam. 

He hated to think that he’d been so hell-bent on hating everything to do with this afterlife, that he’d unfairly grouped Liam into it all, projecting all that hate on him without him ever doing anything to cause it. Because truly, other than him being more distant when they found out Louis could see the gravelings and the lights, he’d always tried to be friendly. He could see now, how fearing losing someone could change things. God, if he lost Harry.

The tears in his eyes burned as he tried to smile at Liam. He just needed to sleep, he’d feel better after he regrouped. He hoped anyway.

“Can I help you, Lima?”

He shifted his weight from foot to foot, his tell for when he was nervous and Louis cracked a little, smiling as he gestured for him to enter, and closing the door behind him as he did. 

“You just seemed off, at breakfast. I just wanted to check on you.”

Louis smiled tightly. He didn’t feel like fighting. 

“It’s nothing. I’m fine, Li. Promise.”

He nodded, sitting on Louis’s bed, picking at his quilt. 

“Ok.”

Feeling like Liam maybe needed to talk, he sat down beside him, content to wait him out, but after thirty minutes, Louis’s eyes were drooping and he didn’t have an appointment until eleven that night, so he flicked on the tv and crawled into bed, curling up on his side and pulling back his blanket. Liam’s face went slack with shock and if Louis hadn’t been so tired, he’d probably have laughed, as it was, he felt exhausted and just wanted to sleep.

“I’m tired. I don’t bite. I don’t mind you being here, I just need a nap.”

Liam hesitantly made his way to the other side of the bed and surprised Louis by slipping off his jeans before he climbed into bed beside him, wiggling around until he was comfortable and then pulling up the comforter, looking over at Louis, who admittedly, felt awkward, even though he’d said it was fine. Instead of saying anything though, he just grabbed the remote and settled it on Liam’s chest before snuggling down into the blanket and closing his eyes. 

After a few minutes, he still couldn’t sleep and sighed, popping up and making Liam jump, making him cackle as he watched Liam hold his chest. 

“You’re such a shit, Boo.”

Still giggling, he inched over and set his head on Liam’s chest, sighing as Liam wrapped an arm around him. It should have been awkward, but it wasn’t. It was nice, made him smile as Liam tightened his hold. Louis wanted to let him approach whatever it was, but he wouldn’t be able to sleep until he knew what Liam wanted. 

“Want to talk about it?”

Liam sighed, making Louis roll his eyes. 

“I just. I think Zayn’s done putting up with my shit.”

He laughed into his chest, loud and completely unattractive, and after a few seconds, Liam joined him and Louis laughed until he couldn’t breathe and had tears streaming down his cheeks. When he could, he turned, to see Liam in a similar state. 

“Lima bean, babe, you are so stuck with that man. He adores you. Don’t worry Maybe just….loosen up a bit.”

“He says the same thing, to loosen up, mostly where you are concerned.”

Louis weighed his options. He could tell Liam that he had just been thinking that he’d been too hard on him, or he could agree with Zayn. He settled on a mix of both. 

“I think maybe we both could do that. Loosen up.”

“Deal. Well, I’ll try.”

Louis snorted, settling back down onto Liam’s chest. 

“Same, babes. Same.”

*H*

Harry frowned as his alarm went off for work and he still hadn’t heard from Louis. Was he regretting them? He didn’t see how, when it felt so right, but the thought that he was kept eating at him through getting ready and making the short journey to the hospital, only to find Louis in his office, smiling from his place behind Harry’s desk. 

“Hiya.”

He smirked, closing his door and locking it behind him. Louis chuckled, eyes lighting up and all Harry wanted to do was drag him home and fuck him into his mattress. He stopped short at the thought, shock replacing the instant lust that had surged through him at seeing Louis sitting there, a shirt so low you could see his it is what it is tattoo. 

“Why didn’t you text or call?”

Louis gave him a weird smile and he braced himself. 

“Two things. One, you were supposed to text when you woke up. Two, Liam showed up.”

Harry sat down, tilting his head. Liam had gone to Louis’s? 

“What?”

“Yeah. It was. Ok. I think. I’ll explain later. I think after your shift and the diner, we should talk anyway. As it is. I have an hour before I need to leave for work and then an appointment so please come over here and kiss me because I fucking missed you.”

And just like that, that lust that seemed to be constantly simmering below the surface surged back, racing through his veins and pooling in the pit of his stomach as he made his way to Louis. Louis pushed the chair back as he stood in front of him and Harry giggled as he lowered himself into his lap, even as it sent shocks of want up his spine. 

As soon as he was settled, Louis was on him, holding him close and pushing up to kiss him. It was still as good as the first two times and Harry hoped that never changed, that the millionth kiss would feel as good as the first few had, because if he ever had to go back to not feeling like his world being set on fire with just a brush of lips, he’d rather not live at all. 

“Missed you so much, baby.”

He whined into Louis’s mouth as the words were whispered between kisses and Louis took the opportunity to lick into his mouth, setting everything in Harry aflame as he did and Harry couldn’t take any more. He had to either come or cool it if he was going to get through his shift. Knowing he couldn’t get off in his office, he started to pull back, slowing the kiss, even as Louis protested, trying to pull him in again. 

“Lou. Not here. Ok.”

He felt Louis deflate as he gave up, and when he flopped back against the chair, pout in place, Harry couldn’t hold in his laughter. Louis smirked, leaning up and kissing him quiet. 

An hour later, Louis was leaving his office with puffy lips and ruined hair, looking like he couldn't be bothered to care about either, and Harry loved him. Sighing, feeling light as air, Harry started his shift, ignoring all the nurses whistling and making jokes at his expense. 

*L*

Louis waited outside the hospital, wondering how he could go from being on top of the world, to feeling like dirt in the span of eight hours. He knew it had been the fact that his appointment had been a car accident eerily similar to his own. That coupled with it being his death day, he just wasn’t able to shake it as easily as he normally could. 

“Hey.”

He forced a smile as he met Harry’s concerned eyes. 

“Hey.”

“So, you want me to go grab your post-it? You don’t look up to it, no offense.”

“I’m good, I think. As long as you’ll join me.”

Nodding, Harry smiled brightly and turned, waltzing away from him and Louis just watched him go. He felt a smile tug at his lips as Harry swayed his hips far too much for it to not be on purpose. He loved him for it. He somehow knew something was up and then just made it better, just by being his dorky self. He sent out a thanks to whoever sent Harry to him as he watched him stop suddenly, something pulling his attention, and Louis hated the fact that he was still smiling as Harry bent to pick a flower, all but skipping back to him. 

"You can't do that. State property and all." He watched Harry's mouth twitch before he simply bent down to one knee. "Oh, my god."

"Shut up, Louis." Louis tried to stop the giggle that bubbled up, but he couldn't. Everything about Harry made Louis feel light, and happy, and alive. He never knew someone could come in and flip his world from black and white to color when he didn't even know he'd been living in a lackluster world of mostly grey hues. 

"Louis, you make me so, so happy. The happiest I've ever been." He scrunched his nose, trying to keep his face neutral as his heart made the climb from his chest to his throat, making him swallow against the sudden lump. "I just wanted you to know that I think I'm in love with you."

Still smiling, trying to ignore the tears he felt gathering, he reached out, running his finger over one of the petals of the lily, making Harry roll his eyes, probably thinking he wasn’t going to spill his guts right there in front of everyone on the street. Sometimes, it was ok to prove people wrong because there was no way he was going to be able to stop the word vomit he felt bubble up as he cleared his throat. 

"You make me feel like everything's going to be ok. You make the weight of things feel lighter, like I'm stronger because I know you. You are literally the best thing that's happened to me, in life,” He pitched his voice to a whisper, smiling as he blinked back more tears. “or death," He met Harry's eyes, which looked suspiciously wet too, so at least he wasn’t alone. "I might love you too. If that's okay?"

Harry wiped under his eyes, making Louis's barely held back tears finally fall as he took the flower, smiling. 

"It's more than ok." Harry launched himself into Louis's arm, barely giving him time to react, to catch him and pull him in as tight as he could manage. He smelled like home and Louis reveled in it. After a few minutes, Harry pulled away, smiling down at him. "Come on. Let's get your appointment and go home." 

When Harry pulled back, Louis remembered the flower and frowned as it sat in his lap, squished, but still intact, and tried not to see it as a bad omen. He mostly failed. Still, he ignored it, letting Harry lead him over to the diner, making their excuses, and then back to Harry’s apartment. 

When they were safely behind the locked doors of Harry’s apartment, Louis pulled Harry into him and didn’t let him ask questions, he just claimed his lips, kissing him like his life depended on it. The wet slide of their lips igniting a heat like he’d never felt under his skin as Harry lifted him into his arms. Already so turned on he was ready to explode, Louis whined against the kiss as he felt Harry walking. 

“Please, Hazza.”

He hoped Harry knew what he wanted, because Louis wasn’t even sure he knew what he wanted, other than to be skin on skin with him. Harry broke their kiss again, trailing his lips down his neck as he lowered them to the bed and Louis had to bite his lip to keep from crying out as Harry settled over him, caging him in as he rested his elbows on either side of Louis’s head, peering down at him with nothing but love shining in his eyes. 

“You sure?”

He nodded, leaning up and kissing him again and it was apparently all the permission Harry needed. Louis groaned as Harry’s hands ran up his shirt, pulling it up as he broke their kiss again, panting into Louis’s mouth and his mind went fuzzy as Harry whimpered. 

“Wanted you for so fucking long, Louis. So, long and now you’re mine and I can’t. Fuck.”

Louis pulled in a deep breath as Harry pushed his shirt up and wiggled down the bed trailing kisses over his stomach, igniting the heat in his belly into a roaring fire, a fire that was quickly consuming him as he managed to pull off his own shirt before he laid back, enjoying the feeling of Harry’s kisses moving lower, trailing down his tummy and to his hips, where Harry bit as he felt his hands come up and tug at the joggers he was wearing, and Louis gripped the sheets as he lifted his hips, letting Harry pull them down his legs, gazing at him like he was some grand prize he’d won. 

“Look at you. God.”

Louis grunted as Harry leaned down, closing his mouth over Louis dick and sucking hard, he let him for a second before tapping him, the heat and suction of his mouth too good for him to last. 

“Gonna come.” He panted out, watching in wonder as Harry’s eyes darkened, “want you inside me.”

Groaning, Harry rested his head against Louis’s hip, making him smile. 

“Ok, baby. Give me just a second.”

*H*

Harry blew out a breath, willing his body from the edge before he leaned up over Louis, pulling the bedside table drawer open and feeling around until his hand hit the familiar bottle and he smiled as he pulled it free, leaning down to kiss Louis softly. 

“I love you.”

Louis softened, body relaxing and smile so sweet Harry’s heart clenched. 

“I love you too, Harry.”

He swallowed, leaning down to kiss him again, licking into his mouth as Louis wrapped his legs around him, pulling him closer and Harry gave into him, letting his body rest over Louis’s, kissing him until he felt dizzy and needed to be inside him before he came between them. 

Breaking the kiss, he trailed his lips back down his body, taking his dick into his mouth as he clicked open the lube and spread it over his fingers, bringing his hand down to Louis’s ass. Gently, he ran his fingers over his hole and smiled as Louis’s legs kicked out as he cried out. 

“Fuck, Hazza.”

Harry sunk down further while pushing his finger into Louis and groaned at the heat and the way his body seemed to pull his finger in, welcoming the intrusion. He kept moving his finger until Louis was bearing down, begging for more, and Harry inserted another alongside the first, letting Louis’s dick fall from his mouth as Louis’s shouts seemed to bounce off the walls. 

“Shh. Baby. I’ve got you.”

He thrust them in and out, and Louis lost it, begging Harry to fuck him. Not able to take any more, he let his fingers slip free and grabbed the lube, coating himself before he moved back up Louis’s body, arms pulling his legs up as he settled against him, pushing inside him slowly, making Louis groan, until he bottomed out. 

He waited until Louis opened his eyes, bright, glistening pools of blue staring up at him as he pulled back and rocked forward, trying so hard not to lose control as Louis’s body tightened around him, Louis whimpering as it did. 

“Yes, Haz.” Harry pulled back, just slightly, before thrusting again and Louis wailed, begging for more and Harry leaned down to kiss him quiet, picking up his pace, hurtling toward his release as the heat seemed to burn hotter as Louis whined, whispering how much he loved him and begged for it harder. He felt it building, the blinding white-hot tease of coming growing far too quickly so he grunted, picking up his pace. 

“Louis. I’m gonna.”

Louis opened his eyes, staring right into Harry’s as he reached between them and wrapped his hand around himself, stroking in time with Harry’s thrusts until he tensed, mouth open on a silent scream and Harry let go, shutting his eyes and coming so hard his vision went black. 

*L*

Louis smiled against tears as Harry let his legs fall to the bed and let his weight go, laying over Louis. 

“Love you, Louis.”

Louis ran his fingers through the curls he loved so much and sighed as he felt his eyes growing heavy. 

“Love you too.”


	7. Chapter 7

*L*

Louis woke to feeling Harry jerk awake and smiled as he tried to pry open his eyes. 

“Lou.” He smiled at the whine. “We’re yucky.”

Laughing, he managed to open one eye and blink against the light filtering in from the window. 

“Let’s shower then. I still have some things I’d like to talk about, if that’s ok.”

Harry looked nervous as he nodded, and Louis pulled him back down into his body. 

“Nothing bad, baby. Promise.”

Harry softened, making Louis smile as he pressed a kiss to his cheek. Eventually, they made their way to the shower and took turns under the spray, helping each other clean away the traces of each other. When they were clean, Harry left Louis to make coffee and Louis tried to mentally prepare himself for Harry not taking it all too well. When Harry joined him in the bed, passing off a coffee, he smiled, diving right in as he blew over the mug. 

“Today marks the eighth year that I’ve been a reaper, my death day, and last night, my appointment was weirdly similar to my death. Coupled with Liam wanting to celebrate and then coming over, it’s been a lot, and yeah.”

Harry was quiet for a few agonizing minutes before he blew out a breath, facing Louis with tear-filled eyes. 

“Sometimes I forget that to be a reaper, you have to have died.” Louis smiled sadly as he felt that all too familiar lump work it’s way into his throat. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but I’d like to know, if that’s ok. Um, like, how exactly you. Um. how did you die?”

Louis looked down into his mug because it was easier than seeing the sadness marring Harry’s face. 

“I um. I was drunk and decided to drive myself home. I never made it. It’s fuzzy, but I think I remember seeing Liam at the party before I died. He was the one to help me, since I was his friend’s last reap. He got to move on.” He paused, before forcing a smile as he met Harry’s eyes. “I completely ruined the little honda, wrapped it around a tree and it caught fire just outside the city. I wasn’t even that drunk. I think I could have made it had I not been jamming out to Britney Spears,” 

He frowned as Harry’s eyes misted over, pity he didn’t want shining in them. Before he could ask, Harry closed his eyes as Louis’s heart plummeted. Just as Harry opened his eyes to speak, his phone started ringing. He ignored it until the ringing stopped and then started again and Harry huffed, glaring over at him and grabbing it. 

"'Lo?"

Louis smiled despite everything as he heard a confused Loam.

"Oh. Uh, I think I've. No. Um. Is Lou available?"

"He's being a brat at the moment. Anything I could help you with Li?"

Louis smiled, looking up at Harry, who was smiling down at him like he was the only thing that mattered in the world and somehow, it made the irritation he felt with Liam calling, ruining whatever Harry was going to say, melt away and something warm and syrupy perfect settled in place of it, filling his chest with so much gratefulness that he'd met Harry that he was having to swallow back tears. 

Harry had a way of making him feel less like he was stuck in his own personal hell and more like he'd just been waiting, waiting for Harry to come along and wake him up, make him feel so much more than he ever did when he was alive. Like fate knew she'd missed her chance with them so she'd placed him in limbo until they could meet because that's what it felt like when he was with Harry. 

Fated.

He watched Harry's smile fall and rolled his eyes. He didn't know what Liam was saying, but he'd pay for whatever the hell was causing Harry's frown to deepen so much it looked as though he was close to tears again. 

"I'll tell him. We'll be there as soon as we can."

Hanging up, Harry looked down at him, pale and sweaty and somehow Louis knew he'd fucked up. 

"Your post-it. It was a.m. We missed an appointment."

*H*

Harry watched Louis sit up and wipe his face. 

"Fuck." Yeah. They were fucked. He sat and watched as Louis rushed around his room, still feeling the shock of knowing they'd put a soul through the unthinkable. "I'll be back."

Harry couldn't let him go alone. He'd been the one to talk Louis into staying. He somehow managed to convince this beautiful man to sleep with him and spill every last secret part of him. The least Harry could do in return was not letting him face this alone, not when Liam sounded like he was seconds from finding Louis and killing him. 

"I'm coming. Just a second."

He couldn't even find the way Louis's eyes traced over his body as he got dressed thrilling, too sick to his stomach at the thought of what the person had been through. When he slid his shoes on Louis squared his shoulders and gone was the soft, kind man he'd come to know and love. In his place was the man with a chip on his shoulder, too angry with the world to even see the good he'd been able to do. It hurt to watch it more than Harry cared to admit. 

Once they were out of the apartment and in Harry's car, Louis let his shoulders fall, blowing out a breath and the shakiness in it had Harry tearing up. 

"I feel so bad and I can't even show it because Liam is going to be on his high horse."

Harry reached over, grabbing his hand as he merged into traffic and headed toward the morgue Liam had told them to meet him at. Squeezing softly, he braced himself for the inevitable irritation he was going to cause with opening his mouth. 

"Maybe not. You guys just kind of made up. Maybe you could just admit you fucked up? Like, we both looked at it. We both assumed. We're in this together and know we messed up. Just maybe lead with that. Might shock him so much he just shuts up."

He watched Louis tense and fuck. He said something wrong. 

"You think I can't admit I'm wrong? It's not that. It's that Liam has thinks he's God's gift to the reaping world and if you can't deliver perfection, you're a fuck up for eternity. I've made one other mistake my whole afterlife and that was almost reaping you. So he can fuck off. No way in hell I'm going to admit that I fucked up to him. He'll never believe I actually think that anyway."

Swallowing against a lump in his throat, Harry let go of his hand and hit the turn signal to the street that would lead them to Liam and the silence that was surrounding them felt suffocating and he had to say something to ease it before Louis went in there or it was going to be so much worse. 

"I never said that I think you can't admit when you're wrong. I just meant that if you just blurt out that you know, he'd maybe just listen. I'm sorry I offended you."

"I'm sorry I'm an asshole."

"Me too."

The laugh Louis let out settled the panic in him and he somehow knew it was going to be ok. Leaning over, he pressed a soft kiss to his lips and smiled as he pulled back to meet the blue eyes he'd willingly let himself drown in. 

“I’m also sorry for just springing my shit on you earlier.”

“It’s ok. I just. Never realized how much it would hurt me to hear it. I’m sorry I went silent.”

“S’Okay. You can’t be perfect all the time. I still love you.”

Harry smiled, his nerves settling slightly. 

"I love you too. Let's go deal with Liam and then go home."

He watched the light dance across Louis’s eyes like sunlight hitting the lake and adored the crinkles that settled by them as Louis's face lit up at his words. 

"Yeah. Home."

He felt a little twist in his chest as Louis leaned in, kissing him again before he pulled back and took a deep breath. 

"Let's get this over with."

He followed Louis down a set of sketchy stairs and into the room Liam was waiting in. He watched Liam's face tint red when he noticed Harry as Louis shuffled into the morgue and just like Harry knew he would, Liam started in on Louis. 

"Would you like to know what that man went through while you were pretending to be alive and fucking your boyfriend?" Rage settled in his gut as Liam stared Louis down like he was somehow beneath him and Harry finally got why Louis wouldn't let his guard down with the man. "He had to be trapped in that body while it went through being thrown off a motorcycle and ran over. Several times. He had to go through an autopsy and being embalmed."

When Louis remained quiet, Liam seemed to think it was an invitation to continue his tirade. 

"He's alive, Louis. What are you going to do when he gets older? Are you just going to follow him around like a puppy until he dies? And then what? Hope that when you finally get your lights, you'll end up with him?"

He watched Louis's shoulders rise and fall with a few deep breaths in the quiet that seemed to be ringing around them. 

"You know, Li. I keep my mouth shut a lot when it comes to you as a favor to Zayn. He worries, you know. Because like me, he loves you and knows that you are so set in your ways you can’t even see other options you have. That doesn't mean that you get to say whatever the hell you want to me because you have him to watch out for you."

Harry watched him with pride filling his chest as he stepped around Liam and ran his hand down the man's shin, smiling apologetically at what Harry assumed was the man. He spoke softly, too softly for Harry to hear, and waited for a long moment before thanking him and turning back to Liam. 

"I read the post-it wrong. I apologize. I swear it said p.m. I could be wrong, but that's what I thought it said. I even showed Harry. It was wholeheartedly an accident. I'll pay for that however I have to with whoever I have to. As for me and Harry. That's none of your fucking business. He is none of your business. Period. He'll be at breakfast because I want him there and so do Niall and Zayn. He'll be with me because I want him to be and if I somehow figure out a way to con him into being with me until he dies, you can bet your ass I'd do anything to find him again."

Smiling like an idiot, Harry watched him speak softly to whoever was there as he passed. When he heard the door shut behind him, he knew he was leading the man where he needed to go, assuming Harry would follow, but as proud of Louis as he was for being the bigger person, Harry wasn't quite able to. 

"Hey, Li." When Liam looked up in shock, Harry stepped into his space, their noses almost touching. "You're no better than him. Actually, to me, you fall so much lower because I know Louis would never talk to someone the way you just spoke to him. Like you, Louis now has someone who'd do just about anything for him, including warning you that you might be dead but I'm sure I could find a way to make your life hell."

When he stepped back, Liam blinked a couple of times before he nodded, folding his arms across his chest. 

"Noted."

"If you're done comparing sizes, I'd like to go home now, Haz."

Harry smiled at Liam before turning on his heel and going to Louis, taking his outstretched hand and loving the little squeeze he got before being pulled from the room. 

*L*

Louis knew it was going to be a bad day from the moment he woke up. They hadn’t slept well, both of them feeling guilty over the missed appointment. When he’d finally managed to fall into a good sleep, Harry had been called in due to an emergency. Wanting to avoid Liam, he tried to make his own breakfast, only he’d burned it and spilled his tea before giving up and making his way to the diner only to find a very tense stared down happening. 

“What’s up?”

Instead of saying anything, Zayn plucked a post-it from Niall’s hand and shoved it into his face. 

H.S.Styles. Mercy st. eight thirty p.m. 

Everyone seated around the table stared at Louis in shock, because it was an unusual last name. Paired with the initials, time, and the location there was no doubt in Louis's mind that the post-it note was for Harry. He slammed it onto the table, anger lacing every fiber of his being. 

"No."

Liam shook his head sadly, pushing the post-it toward Niall. 

"We don't know it’s him. And even if it is, you can't change it, Lou. I'm sorry."

He'd be damned if he couldn't change it. He'd find a way. 

"Whatever."

He picked up his post-it, knowing it was almost time for him to collect the soul and shouldered his way out of the crowded diner. 

"Geez. You ok?"

He looked up in shock at Harry. 

"You're off today, right?"

Harry wiggled his hand. 

"Basically. I mean, I am on call but unless there's another emergency with a patient, I'm yours. I was just coming to meet you guys."

Louis smiled, taking his hand and leading him down the sidewalk. 

"I was just heading out. My appointment is just about to happen."

"I hate that you call them appointments."

"I hate that it's the only part that you hate."

He looked over to Harry, watching him shrug and he just knew he was mocking him in his head. Ever since he’d met Harry, he’d been trying to get Louis to see what he was doing was a good thing. It might have been working, before the post-it. 

"It's just a part of life. It's actually a little comforting to me to know that there's more than just this."

He snorted, leave it to Harry to somehow find a silver lining to it all. 

"Ok, Haz."

It was an old man, losing his battle with pneumonia, and Louis smiled to himself as he watched him head toward the carousel of lights in the distance with an enormous smile on his face. He swallowed harshly, hoping Harry would just think he was being bitter again. 

"What do you think they see?"

He smiled, turning to look up at Harry. 

"Their heaven, maybe? I'm not sure. They’re always different but everyone who gets lights seems really happy, so, I'm not sure it matters."

He kept looking at where the lights were and Louis wondered what Harry's would look like. He had to swallow past a lump in his throat, clearing it after for good measure. He had a plan in mind to make sure he wouldn’t know what those godforsaken lights would look like for a long time. 

"Want to go on a trip with me?"

Harry lit up at the suggestion and immediately started to spout off a list of necessities that Louis barely paid attention to until Harry stopped short, frowning down at him. 

"How long do I have?"

Louis's entire body went cold. Of course, Harry would realize what was going on. God, he hoped he could talk him into going. He needed him to be alive. 

"Til eight this evening. Don't like, mark it in your calendar, though. That's one appointment we're not making it to."

"Ok."

"I'm serious. If we miss the appointment, they can't kill you. Come on. We have to at least try." 

It felt like lifetimes passed before Harry nodded, holding his hand out for Louis to hold. 

"Ok."

They made it to a little hotel on the other side of the city before Liam started blowing up his phone. Powering it off, he gave Harry a tight smile, hoping he wouldn’t say anything and he didn’t. Not when they got to their room, and not when they ate. Not when they started watching movies, sitting quietly together. 

As the credits rolled on their third movie, Harry’s phone lit up. It was a call from their office’s emergency line and Louis’s heart sank. There was no way Harry would ignore it, not when it was a patient. 

“I’ll try to see if they can wait.”

He nodded, smiling as he left the room, not able to hear it just yet. He walked into the bathroom, turning on the facet and ran his hands under the sink. He swallowed, cupped water in his hands, and went to splashed his face. 

“Hey”

He gasped, sucking in water, making him choke and it made Harry double over laughing. Wiping his face off, he turned off the water and then glared at Harry. 

“Thanks, dick. What’s up?”

Harry smiled, shrugging. 

“So, if I was home right now, I’d be going to check in on her, just because they asked for a stronger dose of something, but I’m not home. So, I’m pretty much the cause of my own death.” 

“Want to go to bed?”

Nodding, he met Louis’s eyes. 

“Sure.”

They'd ignored everyone and everything for the night. Focusing on each other, letting hands explore and lips memorize every dip and curve of each other’s bodies. Louis wanted every part of Harry burned into his memory and they were both crying by the time they’d come, neither of them brave enough to voice why though. They knew one way or another, Harry was going to eventually have to face death and so the next morning, when someone was banging on the door to their hotel room, Louis knew it was time and he hated it. Would do everything in his power to keep the universe from stealing the best person he’d ever met. 

Pressing a kiss to Harry’s chest, Louis murmured a soft, I'll be right back. He heard Harry's hum as he pulled on his boxers, and his eyes watered a little. It wasn't fair. Killing Harry. He was going to do so much good in the world and it needed him. Liam would just have to understand that. He sent up a prayer that Niall wasn't with him because he'd hate to resort to violence with the equivalent of sunshine. 

Pulling open the door, he was met with Liam's bored face and immediately shut the door. He had Niall with him. 

"Swear to God, Li. If you want to talk to me you best get him out of here."

"He has to do it, Louis. Fuck. None of us wants to. Let him do it so he can start to cope with it. He's a fucking mess."

"No."

"Lou. At least let me in. I'll have Niall go wait in the lobby until we're done."

Sighing, he opened the door up enough to let Liam slip through and immediately slammed it. 

"What? I'm not letting him die so you're wasting your time."

"So, you're just gonna spend your afterlife guarding him, missing your own appointments?"

"If I have to."

Liam ran a hand over his face and Louis knew he was about to deal whatever wisdom he thought was going to change his mind and Louis wanted to tell him to save his breath, but then, 

"You could do that, you could. But his soul? His beautiful, shining, and pure soul? The part of him that is so good it's like you can see it shining through his eyes? That's going to wither and rot inside him until it's tarnished and jaded. Nothing left of its beauty, its goodness. Do you want to condemn him to a lifetime of that? I've seen it happen and his soul, it's special, Louis. We both know it. Do you want to be responsible for tainting it? For ruining him?"

Louis swallowed, willing himself not to cry but it was just like the fucking universe, to give him the best thing he'd experienced in life or afterlife and then rip it away, leaving a Harry shaped hole in everything he'd ever do. And it wasn't fair because he was so kind and loving and if anyone deserved to live a long, happy life, it was Harry.

"But he's so good. He does so much good." 

"And it's sad. It sucks for us and for everyone else in the world who will never know him. It'll be hell for everyone, except for him. He's going on to do whatever is planned for him and he'll still be all the wonderful things that he is, but keeping him here? You're killing him too. He'll just be a shell of who he could be."

"I just wanted to save him."

"You can't, but you can make it easier. He loves you, Louis." Louis finally felt the tears that had been burning in his throat slide down his face. "Go with him. Be with him in those final moments. Show him you love him too."

Sure. Why not. He wondered if whoever the hell up there in charge knew they'd be getting two souls for the price of one this time? That in killing Harry, they were killing him again too?

"Can I do it?" Liam shook his head sadly, making Louis even angrier with the universe. "Fine. Give me an hour? Then you can let Ni drive us home."

Liam nodded sadly, patting him on the back. 

"We'll be posted up. So, no running. We're ready to catch you if you do."

"No more running, Li. _I_ promise."

Both their heads snapped over at the sound of Harry's voice. Louis watched Liam's composure fall a little as Harry headed for him, arms held out for a hug, and Liam all but fell into it. 

"Hey. Li. It's fine. I'm ok. I'll be ok. I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’m sorry." 

Harry's soft voice, sure and strong, did nothing to ease the turmoil surging through Louis's body. The want to take him and hide for the rest of forever still beating at his heart, along with the knowledge that he couldn't. Out of how many times he'd closed his eyes, wishing with everything in him that he'd wake up and it would have all been a dream, this time was the hardest he'd ever wished it. 

He wanted to wake up at thirty-two and skip the stupid bachelor’s party that he'd drank too much at and drove home anyway, wrapping his car around the tree and dying. He wanted to go back and look for Harry, find him sooner, and love him for the rest of their lives, all while making sure they never did anything to anger whatever dickhead was up there. He wanted to be alive and wanted Harry to live and for them to have a chance to be happy together. 

"Louis." He shook his head as Harry's voice got closer. "Baby. It's ok."

"No, it's not. It's not ok." He heard the door as Harry folded his arms around him, holding him close and making it all so much worse. "It's never going to be ok again."

*H*

Harry held him close, all while fighting his own tears and wishing Louis would just stop fighting. It was no use and even though he appreciated it more than he felt he could ever tell him, they had to accept it. 

"I love you, Louis. Just spend the next hour with me? Please?"

He felt him nod and relax a little. Thank God. Smiling, he pressed a kiss to his head. 

"The fuck are you smiling about?"

Laughing, Harry pulled back.

"You are just really cute." Ignoring his protests, he stretched. "Now. I'm sending Niall to get me the best cheeseburger he can find while I call my mom and my sister. Can you please just sit with me?"

He nodded, making Harry's nerves settle even more. It was weird, really. He was ok with dying. He knew there was more to life than death and it made him a little excited to find out what else was out there. He didn't want to leave his family and friends and Louis, but, he knew they'd be ok without him. They were stronger than they thought and he had no choice, really. In the time he'd known Louis, that was the one thing he was sure of. 

You couldn't fight fate.

He talked to his mom about everything and nothing and even when he got a little choked up telling her bye, Louis stayed by his side, bouncing his legs and biting at his lips. Gemma was a little harder, could immediately tell something was up and Harry hated lying but knew he had to. 

"Just a rough day at work. I just wanted to tell you that I love you, cause we don't do that enough and I just want you to know."

She cleared her throat and it made Harry smile, even as he had to wipe away a tear. 

"Ok. Love you too, H. So much. I'm so proud to be your big sister."

He felt more tears falling and they said their goodbyes and as soon as he sat his phone down, Louis was in his lap, holding him close as he let himself cry. It didn't feel fair, but it would be ok. 

"I'm ok, Lou." He held him close, feeling the little sobs that Louis was trying to hide. "We'll be alright."

Louis nodded, pulling back and seeing his face, puffy and tear-streaked broke Harry's heart but he let Louis wipe them himself and waited until he could speak. 

"Kiss me?"

Nodding, Harry leaned up and pressed his lips to Louis's and tried to pour everything he felt for him into the kiss and it seemed Louis was doing the same, holding on to Harry tighter than he ever had. 

"I love you, Haz." He sucked in a breath as Louis moved down to kiss beneath his ear. "I love you so much."

He let his tears fall as Louis kissed his way back up, over his chin and to his lips, running his hands through his hair as Harry let himself go, let himself be lost in the kisses and soft touches until they were sprawled out together in bed, Louis pressing into him, making him feel so at home and loved he couldn't breathe. 

Neither of them said a word as they moved together, hands traveling bodies and lips pressing kisses into each other’s skin like they were trying to brand each other, laying claims for anyone to see. When Harry came it was with tears in his eyes and his heart in his throat and the sudden realization that he was going to lose the best thing that had ever happened to him. 

"I love you so much."

Louis nodded from his place on his chest, face tucked into Harry's neck and he could feel his tears running down his neck and he wished he could take his pain with him when he left. He wished he could make it easier.

“I’m sorry you never got your lights. That I won’t be here to watch it happen.” 

Louis pulled back, tears steadily streaming down his face. Those blue eyes begging him to understand.

“I got you. You are my lights.” 

His chest felt too tight to speak for a moment but he had to. . 

"I'm going to miss you, but I'm sure we'll see each other again. What we have is too special. Fate can't be stupid enough not to see it." When Louis didn't move, he started to rub his back, holding him closer. "I promise, wherever I end up, I'll find you. I promise."

*L*

Louis wiped at his eyes again as Niall drove them toward Harry's apartment, trying so hard to fight them and be stronger for Harry. He just couldn’t and then it was too late. When they stopped at the red light just outside the hospital, Louis caught sight of a graveling, and then just like that, they were spinning, his hand still tight in Harry's and he somehow focused enough, to yell for Niall. 

"Now, Ni. Please, Now."

He watched Niall twist and run his hand down over Harry's shoulder and the little white light follow it as they rolled to a stop. Getting up from the wreckage, he and Niall looked around and saw Harry sitting on the bench outside the hospital. Making their way over, he waved. 

"Hey."

Harry smiled at him, eyes shining as Niall sat on his other side. 

"Hey, guys."

They watched as people rushed out and tried in vain to save him. 

"So. This is it, huh?"

They smiled as a warm light lit up behind the wreckage, a bar illuminated in gold sparkles, making Louis smile as he heard Niall gasp. He turned, watching Niall smiled, calling goodbyes and love yous over his shoulder as he took off running into it. When it disappeared, he looked back over and Harry was gone too. Just like that. Two of the most important people to him were gone. He stood on shaking legs as Zayn's car pulled up in front of him. When Zayn stepped out, he just, crumbled, falling into him as everything in him splintered, shattering into pieces. 

*One week Later*

*H*

Liam smirked as Harry tilted his head, staring at his casket. 

"So, isn't it morbid that I'm here watching? Like, it feels insensitive because I'm right here. You know? Also, I don't like seeing my mom cry. It hurts. Can we go? Is this like, some test to make sure I've accepted my death or whatever? Because I already worked through that when I was alive."

He watched Liam lick his lips, clearly trying not to smile. 

"You two are going to be a fucking pain in my ass. I can already tell. Jesus. You're just the same."

"You two?"

He nodded, motioning for Harry to follow him out of the funeral home. 

"Yeah. You two." Liam sighed happily. "Louis's going to flip out and I can't wait because he's been a cranky fuck since your death and I couldn't say a word until I knew for sure, but well, you were Niall's last reap, his magic number, and now you've taken his place and it's all I can do not to roll my eyes at why you two were put through that, only to end up being able to be together until one of you reach quota."

Liam pushed open the door to the familiar diner and Harry's legs felt weak as Louis looked up and locked eyes with him. He blinked and he had Louis in his arms, could feel him shaking and he was just, overwhelmingly happy. 

"Told you I'd find you."

  
  



End file.
